I HOPE THERE'S A HEAVEN

[Duchess]

...so my mom can see that my very distressed jeans are considered fashionable, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be able to get past my holey knees and be horrified I was out in public like that.

I think about death a lot, like every friggin' day.

[username]

Yeah, me too but part of that has been driven by losing so damn many people over the last few years. At least 5-6 relatives and more when you include friends or just people I knew forever. Memorial services have replaced wedding and baby showers by far. 

I definitely think about death way more than I’d like but it’s more in the context of disease and the dying process vs death itself. I haven’t felt “well” since sometime during Covid and it happened so quickly (loss of energy etc) that I tend to think morbidly about when a Dr will confirm some terminal diagnosis. 

Ergo, I’m waiting to go to the Dr until I feel better, lol.

[username]

But I don’t believe in heaven generally. I mean I think my parents/loved ones are out there somewhere and that their souls live on but it might be more that their memories live on (vs some particular space). I’d like to believe in that wondrous space where they’re together but can’t entirely believe in that.

[Duchess]

 I’d like to believe in that wondrous space where they’re together but can’t entirely believe in that.

That's pretty much where I'm at. I never struggled with my faith when I was young, it wasn't until I was a fully grown woman that I began to think differently. I want to believe tho.

I will always remember the first time someone told me she didn't believe in God. It was shocking to me to hear my friend say that, especially so given our backgrounds were similar.

[username]

Yeah. I grew up attending church every Sunday (Lutheran) and sort of accepted what I was taught/told. Somewhere in my 20’s I started questioning my beliefs about Jesus being the literal son of God and his resurrection. I started thinking he was perhaps a great man but not the savior that I’d learned about. 

Life further jaded me (as did events and tragedies). I’ve said elsewhere that I get a little sick when a bunch of people die (under any horrible circumstances) and survivors say “well, God saved me!”. The flip side of that is God killed a bunch of people for some grand plan, I guess. 

That hasn’t sat well with me over the years but kinda happy for people that have their faith while I think the best I can hope for is spirituality. 

I was brought up to believe in the trinity (the father, the son and the Holy Ghost). I identify more with the Holy Ghost.