M O C K News at 5 , Sunday Aug 17 , 2008

[F.U.]

~[ Insert sound of typewriter franticly typing away] ~

Hello , and welcome to yourweekly edition of,
the Sunday 5 pm CST Mock news .
Where its the news that matters , Notthe grammar.

At our NEW location , in the
Discussions , Opinions & Debate section of our forum .

This is your News anchor Mr Pumpkin Ass reporting the Mock news , sports and weather .


Reporting on the stories that I want . The way I want .




Here are your stories that made the headlines this week .



Please hold your comments until the end of our programing .











I would like to start this weeks of with A thread started by the Mistress Demon Bitch . This thread is titled ... Great . Fuckin' jury fraud ...

It seams as though someone has once again figured out a way to prey on the trustworthy .
With a few lies and a stern tongue the caller is able to convince some to up their social security #'s . And unfortunately gaining a S. S.# is just the beginning of a " Identity Theft " nightmare .
Please be aware of this tactic .
This thread is full of tips and good advice for all .

Read the entire story in our Assholes In The News section of our forum .

Thanks Sinaster .






Our next story also comes to you from the Assholes In The News section . And comes to us from the Intergalactic administrator of attitude adjustments .
The Antagonist .
In a thread about our neighbors to the north titled , Canada's Great Eh? .
We read the story of a 81 year old man that has ben charged with operating an illegal business - even though he's never charged a penny for his work.
Yes you read thatcorrectly . To spend your day repairing your neighbors lawnmower for free is somehow a business in the eyes of the Canadian lawmakers .
And this is not the only case of this in that cold canadian community . Check out the thread for the entire tale .

Thanks Ant .






And now from a brand new section at Mock Forums...Members Eyes only .
In the titillating thread called Hot Redheads wefind a beautiful nude
------------EDIT--------------------EDIT --------------------EDIT ----------------------EDIT-----------------------EDIT---------------
that'sone luckyslice of watermelon!!!!!
I for one feel dam lucky as a "full member "to have access to that section . So members check it out for yourself and see if you can find the watermelon . And guests/visitors come on in , intro and have a look for yourself . After all , What have you got to lose ?







And on Wednesday Aug 13^th 2008 In a thread posted in our Discussions , Opinions & Debate section of our forum . Our dear sweet Duchess reveals her desire to get her first tattoo .
Reply's started rolling in soon after this thread was posted .And have now reached 5 pages and 65 posts .Some contain pics of the posters ink . Some contained tips . And some just make you scratch your head .
But ina " MOCK LITE "fashion some postsdo contain insults such as ...if you are a fucking pussy bitch, ... From Mr Liquid . As well as ...Yours is apussy cake walk. ... from The Antagonist .

So if you are or knowa human canvas , or just want to raise the MOCK count on this thread , give it a shot .

Thanks Duchess .







Our next story was posted just today . In our funny shit section of our forum you will find a thread started by Ant and titled ,O P Does have the ability to learn .
In this thread you will find several links to threads on another forum . Links thatAnt would like you all to have a lookto help youdecide for yourself as to weather O P is a Liar or not .
Great links , as well as several great cuts at the british butt bandit . Ant was slinging insults like ... because of the locked down babysitting country he lives in ... and ... Anyway, Shit for Brains calls me a ... as well as ... with this one article I can prove he's the liar, violent and is afraid to go verbally toe to toe with me because again and again he opens his yap and looks the fool. ...

So have a look at this thread for yourself , and you make the call on Opie .






We now turn to our attention to the Newbie Initiation & Torture .
This week , while a slow week we witnessed quite possibly the dumbest newbie we have yet to see . After just a few short posts nowonmai was offended and turned tail and pouted off into the sunset .
That's right it did not take long with insults such as ...Here's an avatar for the retard: ... From the Antagonist . As well as ...
no avatar lock the thread
no avatar he is dead

no avatar he cant follow the rules
no avatar isobviously a fool

no avatar he sucks ass
no avatar .....FUCK HIM
... From Mr Liquid .
With insults like that and our fearless leader givingtheir profile a well needed makeover . It is no wonder that nowonmai cut and ran .
Better luck next time Dummy !!!!






~[ cue the marching band]~



Now we turn to the sports section of our broadcast .




This week we witnessed the return of Brett Favre . Wearing a NY Jets jersey Brett made some greatplays, completing 5 of 6 throws with 1 for a Touch down .
The jets however came up short in this pre season gamewith their13-10 loss to the Washington Redskins on Saturday night .
But after all it is pre season , and Pre season counts for diddly squat .
Lets hope that as a team the Jets can get their act together before the season starts . Especially after the price tag that was on this new and improvedlineup .















Let's turnour attention to today's weather .

Today's weather is brought to you by M O C K Firearms . ..

Were at M O C K Firearms we say " Never bring a knife to a gun fight "

[F.U.]

And M O C K ammunition .

M O C K ... the definition of accuracy

[F.U.]

This week in our weather lab we want to direct our attentiontoward the south east region of our great country . Keep your eyes to the sky's if you are in Floridaor Georgia folks . It looks as though Tropical storm Fay may just be heading your way . While still justa tropical storm Fay may be upgraded to hurricane status . And is expected to bring heavy rains and high winds to the region .Stay tuned toyour local news agency's come mid week .

[F.U.]

Here at M O CK News we strive to bring you up to date weather fromlocationsaround the globe . So , If you would . Join me in welcoming our newest member of the M O C K Weather team , coming to you from across the pond . Miss Faylinn In-Life .

~~[ APLAUSE APLAUSE APLAUSE ]~~

[F.U.]

Hello M O C K viewers I am Faylin In-Life bringing youyour weather reports from across the big pond .

Tonight we will have a 100 % chance of darkness . This darkness looks like it will be strongest around 12 - 1 am . Darkness is forecast to break around 7 am at which time there will be a 100 % chance of daylight . We will find this daylight a welcome sight through out your work day . And is expected to continue for at least 12 to 14 hours .

I have not ben given theofficial word from her majesty'sroyal weather team on this , However I feel that

-----------BUZZ --------FRY-------SNAP-------POP--------CRACK--------------------------Attention this is your royal editing team , Please follow your prepared material miss In-Life!!!!! Thank You . ------------BUZZ --------FRY-------SNAP-------POP--------CRACK--------------------------

[F.U.]

What the Hell ????????

Sorry about that folks . We will try and get to the bottom of that and get back to Faylin later .





And now another edition of The OL Mail Bag .






Our first letter comes to us from Mistress Demon Bitch herself , Sinister . Sinaster writes ...HO-LEE FUCK you crack me up. You are damn talented, and I think you should have a weekly news forum all your own here. This is just fucking brilliant!!!! ......

Gets my vote EVERY week.


Thank you for your vote of confidence , and potd vote Sinaster . I am glad to put a smile on your demoniac face .
While a weekly News forum here does sound great . I am afraid that I would need to enlarge my staff to rise to that level .

Thanks for your letter Sinaster .






Our next letter comes to us from a rarely seen face around these parts . THUMPER !!!!!
Thumper writes ...

fuckin brilliant...(you fuck)

O and I stole your picture above,,, I'm gonna splash it everywhere all the time...

it seems there's always
someone who needs to be told to STFU...

of course you'll get no credit,,, I'll swear I photo shopped it! .....


Thank you for your letter Thumper . And feel free to use that pic all you want . I stole itmyself .






Next comes a letter from our own Duchess . Duchess writes .... F U, if you can imagine me giving you a standing ovation, please do...That was superb !...The time and thought that you put into the Mock News is evident and very much appreciated...Your take on MF's bitch pillowlove was utterly priceless...I laugh from beginning to end and I am always left wanting more...Thank you so much. ....


Duchess , If you can imagine me standing and giving you a polite thank you bow ,please do .
I am overjoyed that you enjoy our programing here at M O C K News . Your letters are always appreciated .

{retraction grantedDuchess }


We have time for one last letter this week .

Our next letter may be a short one . But it is sent to us from our very own Antagonist .
Ant briefly writes .... Bravo! <applause> ....

Well thank you Ant . Please see my reply to Duchess and apply accordingly .



Thanks again for your letter Ant .

That aboutwraps it up forthis weeks edition of M O C K News at 5 .
I would like to thank you all for joining me tonight , and everySunday here at M O C K News .







Good night Mock Land . This is your Mock reporter Pumpkin ass saying F . U .


Roll the disclaimer Bruno .

Views and or comments stated in this broadcast are that of the news caster . And not necessarily that of this forum , its owners or the administration or moderators of this forum . This broadcast was meant to irritate , aggravate and generally piss of those who disagree with the reporters opinion . Thank you for watching the slightly funny , almost irritating , lame ass edition of M O C K news at 5.

[Duchess]

Hey...Hey...Hey...Dear, sweet Duchess isn't feeling too sweet at this moment, Mr. Pumpkin Ass...Read my lips, its Duchess not douchess or whatever the fuck it was you called me...Nonetheless, you still get my vote because I appreciate the arts and your Mock broadcast is always worthy...Thanks, F U...

I'll be expecting a retraction on your grammar error with my name, thankyouverymuch.

[Middle Finger]

For you, FU -------> ::iwon:: ::thumbs::

[The Antagonist]

::lmao::Another wonderful newscast F.U.!

[Sinister]

its Duchess not douchess or whatever the fuck it was you called me

I'll be expecting a retraction on your grammar error with my name, thankyouverymuch.

FU has permission from me to swipe that Douchess as I've been using, so no retraction is needed. In fact, I'm considering removing one "s" when I type your name. Douches is even funnier!

[Middle Finger]

its Duchess not douchess or whatever the fuck it was you called me

I'll be expecting a retraction on your grammar error with my name, thankyouverymuch.

FU has permission from me to swipe that Douchess as I've been using, so no retraction is needed. In fact, I'm considering removing one "s" when I type your name. Douches is even funnier!

::laugh:: Good one ...

[Duchess]

F U...Are you ok, baby ?

WHERE THE HELL IS THE MOCK NEWS ??????????????

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting.........Impatiently !

[Duchess]

Mr. Pumpkin Ass...I've really missed the Mock News......just sayin'.

[Sinister]

Mr. Pumpkin Ass...I've really missed the Mock News......just sayin'.

Oh, I am SO gonna kick his fuckin' ass when I catch up with him. FU, don't make me call you out in front of the other Bikers in 24. I know what kept you away last week, but that dog won't hunt forever. ::wait::

Don't thinkI won't sic the Wolf on you. ::batguy::

[Sinister]

I have heard from FU in email. He is incredibly swamped right now and said he doesn't owe any of you fuckers an explanation. ::lmao::

He will be back posting the news soon, so unknot your panties.

[F.U.]

Newsanchor wanted .The position of weekly news anchor is temporarily available . Duties include , but are not limited to . Reading all posts , Adding your own spin on these posts , Researching photos, Reporting this weeks weather, Responding to mail and insulting Oversized Poophole .
Knowledge of news , sports and weather is helpful , but not required . A sense of humor is however a must ! Hours are week days as you find the time . And Sunday from 4 - 5:30 PM . This is a temporary , part timeposition . Starting immediately and ending as soon as I fill my freezer with venison .

So if this sounds like a job for you , PM F.U.Dont ask again @ Mock forums .

edited to add , British butt bandit's need not apply !

[Duchess]

Oh Nooooo..Say it ain't so !.....I love me some Mock News...I really do, Mr. Pumpkin Ass.

[Middle Finger]

[user=44]F.U. Dont ask again[/user] wrote:

Starting immediately and ending as soon as I fill my freezer with venison

Awww, we'll miss your reports! Nice ... you're hunting it up, eh? I've never had venison. I will one day, though. Enjoy it, FU!