Mock news at 5 , Sunday Aug 10 , 2008

[F.U.]

~[ Insert sound of typewriter franticly typing away] ~

Hello , and welcome to yourweekly edition of,
the Sunday 5 pm CST Mock news .
Where its the news that matters , Notthe grammar.

At our NEW location , in the
Discussions , Opinions & Debate section of our forum .

This is your News anchor Mr Pumpkin Ass reporting the Mock news , sports and weather .
Reporting on the stories that I want . The way I want .




Here are your stories that made the headlines this week .

Please hold your comments until the end of our programing .

Our first story comes to us from the Assholes in the news section of our forum .
The thread is titled ... DECAPITATION . And comes to us from our very own Duchess .
This thread was started on Fri 01 Aug 2008 . And is the tale of a Toronto nut case that decided it was a good time to stab to death , decapitate and devour pieces of a fellow bus rider .
This thread is full of shoulda , coulda , woulda done this or that - if I was there .
While some people like Mr Maggot feel they would have attacked the perpetrator . Mr Maggot posts ...I have a hard time with the fact that nobody tried to throw a hot coffee at him or tried to hit him with a Fucking purse or something! WTF I could not just stand there and watch.
Others like Oversized Poophole would have resorted to there usual scared school girl antics and simply stood by and watch or hide there girly little heads .
Mr Poophole writes ...When it comes to fight or flight, flight is generally the most sensible option 99% of the time.
So no matter what side of the fence you stand on , this 7 page thread has something in it for you.





Our next story comes to us from the Discussions , Opinions & Debate section of our forum .
This thread is entitled ... Grilling onions .
Our fearless leader the flaming Middle Finger starts us off with a tasty tale of his evenings meal .
However his inability to keep his onion firm has him asking for tips . But never fear , Members from around the world chime in with suggestions for Mr M.F. .
So check it out . But prepare to feel hungry when you do .
Great tips everyone .







Next we hear the tale of a man and his pillow . It was Wed Aug 6^th, 2008 09:38 am . In a thread he himself started in the Honest Therapy section of our forum .Where M F told the tale of his love of the common pillow .
I went from having and needing one pillow before I got married to NEEDING 5 fucking pillows. Said M F . Declaring his growing love for his pillow .
However , while his love grows so does his fears . M F is very aware of the risks of sleeping with that many unprotected pillows at one time . In fact his starting this thread was a cry for help in itself . And I quote ... I need help ... I know this. That's why I posted about it in this forum...
So please do your part in lending a hand . Andsupportfor our fearless leader in his time of need . Help free him from his MPPPP [ male pillow pillow pillow pillow ] bedroom activates . We can get him through this together people . TOGETHER !
Now I have ben told that extreme times require extreme measures . Soooooo M F I hope you don't mind but I took thelibertytocontact your family . Now they love you M F and theyonly want what's best for you .So your brothervolunteered tocome heretodayand say a few words to you .

Bruno please show Index/Pinky Finger the way in .

~[ APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE ]~

[F.U.]

Hello Mr Finger . Thanks for coming .
The stage is yours Index/Pinky


Thank you Mr Pumpkin Ass .

Hello brother Finger .
Listen to these good folks Middle and get some help !We all make mistakes in life M . Don't let this oneconsume you . You're better than this . You know in your heart that one pillow , oneGOOD pillow is enough for any man . It will be arough roadbrother , but we are all here for you . You are not alone in this . Please Middle , Please get help !


Well said I/P , And thank you for coming today .

Everyone , a big round of applause for Mr Index/Pinky Finger !!!!!!

~[ APLAUSE APLAUSE APLAUSE APLAUSE ]~

Bruno Show Mr finger the door . And please validate his parking .








Our next thread comes to us from the Demon Bitch herself , Sinaster .
Seriously was the title chosen . And very fitting it was .
This thread is a Must See for all those living in the greatest country that ever existed . In it you will find the tale of Mike Monsoor, one of our fighting men, and a SEAL.
Mikes bravery and love for his country and fellow soldier made him act in an heroic manor by jumping on a live
grenade in Iraq, giving his life to save his fellow Seals.

Please check out this thread and read the tale of one of this great countries heroes .

Thank you Mike for being one of the 3 % that keeps the other 97 % safe and sound . Your sacrifices to this great country will not be forgotten !
Now I would like to take a moment of silence for this and all our warriors .

~{_________________________________________________}~


God Bless America and all that she stands for , as well as all that stand for her !!!!!!









And now from our Newbie Initiation & Torture section of our forum .
What a wonderful week inNewbie Hell it was .
The first newbie I would like to mention was brought up at the end of last weeks news . Faraha was the name . And wasting our time ended up being his game . This newbie came out of the gates like a thorough bread . And had some members asking for his acceptance within hours . Only to be disappointed when Faraha cut and run when the going got tough .
Then Tuesday evening we witnessed the shortest thread ever in newbie hell . In a matter of hours robodoon had his ass locked out and was banned from the land of Mock . Oh well , Good ridden's to bad news .
But then the hole day turned around with the acceptance of Mr. Incivility . After 4 pages full of insults such as ... Maybe this is one of Opie's butt buddies? ... From The Antagonist .
And from Oversized Poophole we read ...Seriously.......you suck big time.
Is this the kind of level of intellect we can expect in the future polluting this place with their ignorance? ...
Only to have Mr I come back with ...Fuck you and you pussy country. What does it feel like to live in a super pussy country whose ass was kicked twice by a super power and saved by us again? ... and ...Fuck you, you anti-American cunt. You wouldn't know freedom if it bit you in the ass. ...
With shots like that accurately aimed at the british butt bandit , andhis revealing that he was one of our countries finest , wearing the colors of the U. S. Navy . Mr I was granted full access to Mock Forums .
From all of us here at M O C K News we say Congratulations on making it in Mr I .
And on Friday we witnessed the return of none other than Maho Shirayuki .
It seams as though Mr Shirayuki had his iddy biddy animated feelings hurt when he found his last thread locked .
WellI wonder how he feels now that this thread has once again run out of time and ben locked .
Better luck next time Maho .





And now from a5 time POTD award winning thread we witness Oversized Poophole receive an Americantongue lashing . In a thread started by Sinaster andtitled , Pacifists.....for Opie . And located in our Some Honest Therapy section of our forum .

Well it seams as though the American members have had enough of his anti American rhetoric . And they let him know that his words were uncalled for and unwanted .
In this thread you will findcomments like ...Cowardly, spineless and snivelling pussies. That is a genetic flaw that doesn't get bred out. I bet it gets worse. It apparently has with you...From Sinaster .
And ...I firmly believe that you would sell your children, mother, even your grandmother, just to keep your own chickenshit ass out of a 'mess'.... From Mr. Incivility .
Aswell as... Why don't you step back and take a good look at yourself . Maybe then you will see the real you . A big british taint. You know a taint , that little piece of skin that is ¹⁄₂ pussy and1/2 asshole . ... From F.U. Dont ask again .
So if you are also Anti Opie , or just love a good thread full of insults have a look for yourself .





Great job Mockers !







~[ cue the marching band]~



Now we turn to the sports section of our broadcast .

This week in sports we see the Green Bay Packers and Bret Favre have finally came to a decision . It seams this year Brett will be playing the game he lovesafter all. However this year he will be tossing the pig skin in a different uniform . While still green and # 4 , this year he will be a Jet .Good luck Brett .








Let's turnour attention to today's weather .

Today's weather is brought to you by M O C K Firearms . ..

Were at M O C K Firearms we say " Never bring a knife to a gun fight "

[F.U.]

And M O C K ammunition .

M O C K ... the definition of accuracy

[F.U.]

Let's have a look at today's high temps .


~[ click ]~

[F.U.]

Temps are ranging from the high 60's low 70's in the great lakes region . To the triple digits in the south west .
All in all a fairly nice day for early August here in the land of the free and home of the brave .















Once again we turn our attention to the lovely and talented Saraa Frm Afara in beautiful downtown Freday Iraq .

...

Hello Saraa , are you there ?


...


Saraa , can you hear us ?



...



Mr Producer please cue the direct link to Iraq .

[F.U.]

Ah Oh . There seams to be a slight glitch with our overseas feed .

We will look into this and get back with you at a later time .



Well that just about does it for this weeks weather .




Nowit's time tofor another edition of ,the Ol mail bag .
I would like to reach in and read a couple letters sent to us here at M O C K News from our readers .



Our first letter comes to us from our local law woman , jackboots .
jackboots writes .... hey FU...I THINK YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

Thank you for your kind words ma'am . You are to kind .
Thank you for your letter jackboots .



Our next letter , sent by Duchess on04 aug2008 .

That was so funny !!!!...Every edition of the Mock News is better than the week before...You are a talented lil' fucker...To see us all through someone elses eyes is hysterical...Bravo! ...Keep 'em coming, baby...I, for one, love them.


Thank You Duchess , I am glad you enjoy our weekly edition of M O C K News . However , it is valued members such as yourself that make the news interesting . I just report it ma'am . I could not do it without all of you .
Thank you for the letter Duchess . And thank you for tuning into M O C K News .



Our next letter comes to us from across the pond . And is sent to us by none other than the british butt bandit , Oversized Poophole .

Mr Poophole writes ... Telegram for FU *STOP* newsreel technique of posting found to be supremely irritating *STOP* acts of encouragement for this technique must cease *STOP* please, please, please for the love of sanity *STOP*

Hello Mr Poophole . If I may , I would like to point you to our disclamer at the end of the news broadcast . In it you will find this ... This broadcast was meant to irritate , aggravate and generally piss of those who disagree with the reporters opinion .
While I appreciate your interest in M O C K News at 5 , I must say that it is a shame that you can not find a little humor in our weakly news .But thank you for reassuring us that we are on the right road with our programing .
I assure you your telegram will be given the consideration thatis due .

Thank you for your telegram Mr Poophole . And if I may , I would like togive you a message from all of us .

[F.U.]

Our next letter comes to us from The one , The only , The Antagonist .

I enjoy them too. And now I enjoy it even more and would if I never did just because it annoy's the piss out of Chickie there.
Hint Chickie..... if they annoy you so much don't read them. Pretty simple even for you to figure out.


Mr Antagonist , Thank you for your interest in M O C K News .
I am overjoyed to hear you enjoy our programing . And I must say , that is a very good bit of advice you handed out there .

Thank You for your letter . Feel free to write again sir .





Well that is all the letters we have time for this week .
Keep your cards and letters and telegrams coming .
Tune in next week for more of The Ol Mail Bag .

That aboutwraps it up forthis weeks edition of M O C K News at 5 .
I would like to thank you all for joining me tonight , and everySunday here at M O C K News .







Good night Mock Land . This is your Mock reporter Pumpkin ass saying F . U .


Roll the disclaimer Bruno .

Views and or comments stated in this broadcast are that of the news caster . And not necessarily that of this forum , its owners or the administration or moderators of this forum . This broadcast was meant to irritate , aggravate and generally piss of those who disagree with the reporters opinion . Thank you for watching the slightly funny , almost irritating , lame ass edition of M O C K news at 5.

[Sinister]

HO-LEE FUCK you crack me up. You are damn talented, and I think you should have a weekly news forum all your own here. This is just fucking brilliant!!!!

Gets my vote EVERY week.

[THUMPER]

fuckin brilliant...(you fuck)

O and I stole your picture above,,, I'm gonna splash it everywhere all the time...

it seems theres always
someone who needs to be told to STFU...

of course you'll get no credit,,, I'll swear I photo shopped it!

[Sinister]

fuckin brilliant...(you fuck)

O and I stole your picture above,,, I'm gonna splash it everywhere all the time...

it seems theres always
someone who needs to be told to STFU...

of course you'll get no credit,,, I'll swear I photo shopped it!

Well look who showed the fuck up. Wondered if we'd ever see your scruffy ass in here again!! ::bigg::

[THUMPER]

fuckin brilliant...(you fuck)

O and I stole your picture above,,, I'm gonna splash it everywhere all the time...

it seems theres always
someone who needs to be told to STFU...

of course you'll get no credit,,, I'll swear I photo shopped it!

Well look who showed the fuck up. Wondered if we'd ever see your scruffy ass in here again!! ::bigg::

I'm a very busy man,,, so,,,


told ya I was gonna use it ya fuck...

[Duchess]

F U, if you can imagine me giving you a standing ovation, please do...That was superb !...The time and thought that you put into the Mock News is evident and very much appreciated...Your take on MF's bitch pillowlove was utterly priceless...I laugh from beginning to end and I am always left wanting more...Thank you so much.

[THUMPER]

dont suck you two...

the motherfucker knows he's good,,,
ya gonna swell his fuckin head...(MORE)

jumpin fuckin jahoosifers

[Middle Finger]

Great job as usual, FU!!! I loved it ...

[The Antagonist]

Bravo! <applause>