CHILDREN & FUNERALS

[Duchess]

What's your feeling on children attending a funeral? Should they be forced to go? Is there an age appropriate for attending? Do you have an experience you'd care to post about?

[SIXFOOTERsez]

I think they should go if its a family member, its a sign of respect, seems to be something seriously lacking these days in young folks. Also seems a lot of parents want to sheild their kids from anything unpleasant and never be offended or uncomfortable.

[ramseycat]

I agree with Six. But I would never force a child to go as it can be pretty disturbing seeing the person in the casket. That is a memory that sticks with you forever.

[Duchess]

Regarding death & children - I don't like it when parents tell their kids that they have put the family pet "to sleep". Please use the proper term.

[JsMom]

My son has been to a funeral as you all know. I agree that kids should not attend funerals. It is creepy for kids and they don't understand. I will never force my son to go to a funeral. Ever.

[SIXFOOTERsez]

I agree that kids should not attend funerals.

What do you mean "You Agree"? No one to this point has said kids should not go to funerals

[cladking]

It depends on the kid but most should be discouraged. They should be allowed only for close relatives and only if they insist and then they should be warned. IMO

[Donovan]

I don't even like going to funerals myself. I only do it if there is someone among the living I wish to pay respects to, not for the sake of the lump of meat in the box. No matter what personal beliefs might be, they all seem to agree that once the coffin comes into play there isn't anything left of the person in there. So if I missed my chance to say goodbye while they were living, standing by that bit of leftover byproduct ain't gonna change things.

I don't believe in making death something to be feared, but I won't make my son go to a funeral unless he requests otherwise.

[Jimbone]

Speaking of funerals, what is up with people taking pictures of people in their coffins?

[Carsman]

I don't even like going to funerals myself. I only do it if there is someone among the living I wish to pay respects to, not for the sake of the lump of meat in the box. No matter what personal beliefs might be, they all seem to agree that once the coffin comes into play there isn't anything left of the person in there. So if I missed my chance to say goodbye while they were living, standing by that bit of leftover byproduct ain't gonna change things.

I don't believe in making death something to be feared, but I won't make my son go to a funeral unless he requests otherwise.

My sentiments exactly. I say make the effort to visit while the person is still alive, (even if difficult) after death what's the use to the dead person?






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[QueenBee]

When my dad died, my niece was 5 years old. At first my brother and sister in law were not even going to tell her right away. I called them out, and said that she may be 5, but she is not stupid..she would notice right away that people were upset..plus, I was in town in the middle of the week, which was not usual.
They did tell her when she got home from school...we had gotten a brochure from the funeral director about how to talk to kids.
They decided not to have her attend the funeral, but did bring her to the mortuary before calling hours started. It worked for her.
I think it depends on the kid, and how they would handle things.

[username]

It depends on the age of the kids and how close we/they were to the deceased. Under 7 or so, I wouldn't want them to go. Too young to really get it and I think it's only scary for them.

I would never ask them to attend a service with an open casket. I don't see the point in that. Fortunately, I've never been asked to attend an open casket service myself.

[Maggot]

My 7 yr old cousin freaked out at her Mothers funeral and started screaming "She's still breathing!!!" It was very unsettling. At my Grandfathers funeral when I was 6 I climbed into the casket to rub my face against his prickley stubble of a beard one more time but my Mother yanked me out. Thats when the waterfall started. So....... No kids at funerals.

[pspence]

Speaking of funerals, what is up with people taking pictures of people in their coffins?

How would I know they got my hair and makeup right?

[QueenBee]

THIS is why you should not bring a kid to a funeral:

[Riotgear]

I've seen children at funeral pyres along the Ganges. They didn't seem scarred for life.

Call me crazy but maybe it's a good idea to abolish fear with familiarity. Fight superstition and ignorance with information or some such shit. Keep children rooted in their own humanity by allowing them to see and experience all of life. Including death.

Keeping children from real things casts a murky shadow that encourages the growth fear.

[sally]

When I was five my parents took me to an open casket funeral for a two year old baby. My mom babysat for him and his twin brother and the one brother was perfectly fine, but the other one was severely retarded and had all kinds of medical problems. I was afraid to touch him because he had a head brace and really bad seizures.

I remember walking up to the casket with my mom and I didn't know what to do, I wasn't sure if I should hold his hand or start sobbing like all the adults. I can't remember exactly what I felt, but I wouldn't say it was traumatizing. It would actually be a lot worse now because I can't even imagine what that must have been like for the parents, at the age of 5 you don't think about those kind of things.

Anyway, I probally wouldn't take my 5 year old to a funeral like that, but I think around the age of 8 most kids are able to understand what a funeral is and make their own decision if they want to go or not.

[Riotgear]

IMO you shouldn't let an 8 yr old decide something like that.

IMO

[username]

IMO you shouldn't let an 8 yr old decide something like that.

IMO

You just totally contradicted your earlier post.

[sally]

IMO you shouldn't let an 8 yr old decide something like that.

IMO

I've never had to deal with it fortunately, but at the age of 8 I think my kids were mature enough to discuss life and death and give them a choice if they wanted to go to the funeral or not. I wouldn't just drag them there without talking about it or on the other end keep them in the dark about it.

I'm talking about a close family member of course, not Joe Schmoe's cousin from work. Which in that case I don't even go myself, I just send flowers and a card.