The Koala Bear. NOT as Cuddly as you would think!

[OnBendedKnee]

You gaze at such a lovely animal and conjure up emotions of cuteness and cuddliness.


In stark reality is, not so much.
I came across this Craigslist ad:

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Koala Bear For Sale

I have a three year old Koala Bear named GumNut, that I'm desperately trying to find a new home for. I bought him back in January figuring it would be an awesome pet that would enjoy living in my greenhouse, sadly I was wrong. I paid $3200 for him back in January and I'am not sure what the used Koala Bear market is like in a good economy or the one we have now; so I'am open to offers. Please use some common sense before contacting me, don't be an idiot, I'am not interested in trading my Koala Bear for your busted up 1980's Camero, pictures of your naked wife, or an offer to paint my garage door.

GumNut's Stats:

The Good:

*He is somewhat housebroken, uses a cat box most of the time.
*For the most part he is very quite; this also falls into the bad category which we will touch on in a moment.
*He eats spiders, (not kidding) we haven't had a spider in our house since we got him.
*Hates watching Desperate Housewives, used to be my wifes favorite show until GumNut bit her for changing the channel from Jeopardy, to Desperate Housewives.
*Gets along well with one of my two dogs.
*Loves to go for car rides.

Now for the Bad:

*He eats a lot of eucalyptus, which is not as cheap as I expected.
*Apparently eucalyptus is like a drug for Koala Bears, when GumNut is coming down from his high he becomes very violent and aggressive.
*He raped and killed my wife's cat "Miss. Kitty'" (Honestly, I wanted to put this in the good section because I've been trying to find a way to get that worthless cat out of our house for two years, thanks GumNut.)
*He does not like Asian's, I have no idea where this Koala was raised but someone of Asian Decent must have really mistreated him.
*Loves Vin Diesel movies, not sure why, he just does.
*Has extremely sharp claws and teeth which he uses often.
*Loves shiny objects, steals and hides them frequently in my dog's ass.
*He is quite, and as a result has snuck in on my wife and I during intimate moments. I mind him watching; maybe it won't bother you as much.
* GumNut smells terrible and is not easy to wash. I had to hold a gas soaked rag over his mouth till he blacked out to get him in this tub for a bath.
*Once he is in the water he is fine, getting him into the water is a challenge, he will scratch you, he will bite you, and you will bleed.

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So this is the Koala Bear reality!

[Duchess]

I was laughing until I saw the eviscerated animal.

[sally]

I don't think koala bears are carnivores, but I'm sure they'll scratch your eyes out if provoked.

[sally]

Panda bears are even cuter, I could cuddle one of those bastards all day long.

[Cracker]

Please, please, please read this thread: http://mockforums.net/thread-9427.html

[Maggot]

I think ⁷⁄₁₁ found Crackers password.

[aussiefriend]

Nope.

[Cracker]

I think ⁷⁄₁₁ found Crackers password.

Sorry, haven't been around much. I thought we were all vying for the supreme alpha forum superfan position.

If it isn't a contest, I'm not interested.

Some people need the foil instead of rainbows blown up their asses (that was NOT another stab at SC).

If I notice something straightaway after reading only two or three threads, it's past time to fucking say something. The rest of you should be ashamed. You don't have to be nice to everybody. You aren't really going to get a hummer out of it. They will get over it and still be starved for your attention tomorrow or the next day.

[HairOfTheDog]

[OnBendedKnee]

[Duchess]

Darling critter. Those are some serious claws.

[Maggot]

My sons fingers look like that after he digs "tiger traps" in the yard. I'm gonna break a leg someday on them things.