Man Beats Girlfriend Over Kool Aid

[Sphincter Cop]

Man Accused Of Beating Ex After She Refused To Make Him Kool-Aid

Knoxville, TN — Robert Atkins, 31, is facing a whole slew of charges after allegedly roughing up his ex-girlfriend/baby mamma and taking off with her infant because she refused to make him some Kool-Aid.

Atkins apparently showed up at the woman’s house in the early morning hours of December 10. Because a restraining order was in place, the woman pleaded with Atkins’ ride to take him away… she didn’t want him there. Atkins, apparently unfazed by a piece of paper that says where he can and can’t be, refused to leave.

I’m assuming he entered the woman’s home and made himself comfortable. Around 4:30 that morning, he demanded the woman whip him up a batch of Kool-Aid. When she refused, Atkins reportedly attacked, hitting the woman in the face. The woman tried to escape into the bathroom, but Atkins followed and continued to assault her.

The woman told police Atkins took her keys and cellphone and placed a couch in front of the front door. She said she contemplated sneaking out a bedroom window, but Atkins had their 3-month-old son.

He later let the woman leave the house after she claimed she was going to go next door and fetch him a cigarette. She called for help from a neighbor’s home.

When police arrived at the home, Atkins and the baby were gone. Seems he had jumped out of the bedroom window and disappeared with the child. The woman informed police Atkins had an acquaintance in the neighborhood, and when police paid a visit to the acquaintance’s apartment, they found Atkins hiding in the bathroom with the child.

Atkins is being held in lieu of $300,000 bail, and is facing charges of aggravated kidnapping, domestic assault and violating a protection order.

Lucky him! He can have all the orange flavored powdered drink mix he can handle now. And bologna. Hope he likes bologna.