WANNA HAVE SOME FUN?

[Donovan]

I like that it's labeled "wanna have some fun." It's twisted. I like twisted.

Meanwhile:

While I appreciate the sentiments made by some here in this thread, I would not categorize any of my Ex's behaviors as abuse. I have unfortunate extensive experience with real abuse and the helplessness that goes with it, and my own life has left me with coping mechanisms that prevent me from becoming prey to such things again. It also contributes pretty heavily to the destruction of any other relationships I might get into. It's best described as an emotional bank vault. Somebody starts screwing around with the triggers and that thing slams shut. Nothing gets in or out. Trick is, I don't exactly control when or if it ever opens up again so I try real hard to point it out to people so they just don't trigger it. Unfortunately no one ever believes it exists until they see it.

So abuse, no. But betrayal of trust, absolutely. My age, my son's age, and the details of our argument were irrelevant to the fact that she abandoned us to whatever fate and drove off. As I said, I have strong coping mechanisms including the tendency to keep a number of contingency plans for just such an emergency. My ability to get home was not a question to me. My ability to trust her with everything WAS a question. And she answered it badly.

So boom, vault door closes, time lock engaged, and everything that used to be on the table: marriage, lifetime, growing old blablabla together...gone.
I just gave it an extra chance on the hope that somehow we might work past it but that fucking vault door is stronger than me. It ain't even cracked.