A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
THE Italian Man of His House. With his Italian wife!
Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
His Sicilian wife Gina replied, 'The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess.'
Carsman: Loves Living Large Home is where you're treated the best, but complain the most! Life is short, make the most of it, get outta here!
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Well, I'll be. His face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in, to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Doggone it, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
"The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, There's Bubba with them two assholes."
Kitty1....Please don't disappoint your dog, he thinks so highly of you....
Zero are you telling me that you didn't laugh at that? Are you saying my riddle sucked? If you're familiar with porn music then you should've giggled a little. And NO I'm not a porno freak, but yes I've seen a few.
(05-12-2011, 12:56 AM)ZEROSPHERES Wrote: I guess it lost something in its translation; but next time I watch porn I will pay closer attention to the soundtrack...
I knew I was taking a risk with it. I have to sing it for it to really work. Oh well...I wish I could delete because I will probably catch hell for it.
..........Bunch of good ones in there friend.
