Fuck Muhammad!!!

[Mohammed]

Finally it all makes sense.

US Calls It Quits In the Middle East in Response to Constant Whining

Following its recent withdrawal from Yemen, the US administration has surprisingly taken the decision to call it a day in the Middle East and cut its entire links with the region. The move follows decades of constant whining and criticism of the role that the US has played there, which has made it impossible for the superpower ‘to continue to perform its imperialist functions in a satisfactory manner’.

A spokesperson for the US administration expressed the frustration with the lack of appreciation for all the efforts that America has put into maintaining a functioning hegemonic order in the region: ‘We have tried everything: invasions, assassinations, sanctions, coups, backing dictators, drone attacks.. but do we ever get any recognition or gratitude for our efforts? No, we don’t. All we get is criticism and constant opposition. How can we be expected to play our imperialist roles convincingly with all this negativity? Enough is enough.’


The US decision to quit the Middle East has taken both its allies and foes by surprise and there were panicked responses across the region. A Saudi official regretted the US decision but was confident the administration will change its mind. ‘The US and Saudi Arabia have a long friendship based on sharing the same values, America was founded as a puritanical religious society. We’re natural allies.’ An Iranian official meanwhile declared that this is a great victory for the resistance camp but nevertheless thanked the US for its policies which contributed to significant Iranian expansion in recent years.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu however downplayed the impact of this move on his country saying: ‘We are not in the Middle East, everybody knows that we are in the Eurovision song contest, I am sure the US will continue to be our friend for decades to come, we are part of Europe. Not the Middle East. Netanyahu stressed this point several times, before muttering something about bombing Iran and ending his speech.

It is understood that the US will close down all its embassies and sell them to developers who are interested in turning them into shopping centres and entertainment complexes. A spokesman for the company said that they expect this venture to be very popular with the public noting that the buildings will continue to have large numbers of people queuing in front of them for hours, ‘just like now’.

A leading Lebanese left-wing daily however accused the US of faking its retreat in order to ‘escalate in secret its ongoing conspiracy against the Arab people’. The newspaper claimed the US is behaving like a shopper who pretends he is leaving the shop when haggling only to be asked back by the shopkeeper, adding that the ‘filthy shopkeeper governments of the reactionary regimes will beg the US to come back.’

The US spokesperson declared that from now on the US will concentrate on areas that are more appreciative of its attention like Latin America and Eastern Europe, where the US has a long tradition of ‘aggressive relation-building programmes’ which have suffered due to disproportionate US attention to the Middle East.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity and in a rare moment of complete honesty, a US policymaker admitted: "There was a gradual realisation that we didn't really know what we were doing there. I won't say this in public, but we have been improvising for decades and we can't keep the appearance any more. It doesn't help that Arabic is so difficult to learn."

People across the Middle East had mixed feelings about the US departure. As a young man from Jordan put it: ‘it is a relief not to have the meddling US interfere in our affairs any longer, but it will be more difficult to get a visa to immigrate to the US now’. Many across the region shared this sentiment.

[HairOfTheDog]

^ Karl Shapiro's got it all figured out . Sometimes Karl's reMarks' satirical analysis is better than The Onion's.


Over in Denmark...........

The story has changed a bit since the initial reporting. It looks a lot like a copy cat attack of the one in Paris last month -- fortunately, with fewer casualties.

Free Speech / Satire Gathering Hit
There was apparently one gunman, instead of two, who attacked the Art, blasphemy and freedom of expression" conference held at at cultural center cafe in Copenhagen at about 4 pm yesterday. The intended target is believed to be 68-year-old satirist Lars Vilks from Sweden. The man who was instead killed was a 55-year-old event attendee and still has not been publicly identified. The three police officers who were shot are in good condition.

Jewish Community Hit
At about 1 a.m., a gunman shot a man in the head, killing him on the spot. Denmark's Chief Rabbi, Jair Melchior, identified the Jewish victim as Dan Uzan, 37, a longtime security guard for the 7,000-strong community. RIP. Mr. Uzan was guarding a building behind the synagogue during a bar mitzvah when he was shot. Two police officers who were there were slightly wounded and are in good condition.

Suspect Killed by Danish Police
About four hours after the guard was killed at the synagogue, the man who police believe is responsible for both attacks was confronted by police as he returned to an address that they were keeping under surveillance. Investigators described him as 25 to 30 years old with an athletic build and carrying a black automatic weapon. They released a blurred photograph of the suspect wearing dark clothes and a scarf covering part of his face (pic below).



Jens Madsen, head of the Danish intelligence agency PET, said investigators believe the gunman was inspired by Islamic radicalism. He was on PET's radar prior to the attacks. The name of the gunman has not been released publicly yet.

[HairOfTheDog]

Israeli PM Netanyahu ruffled some feathers in Denmark, as he did in France last month, with his public remarks following the Copenhagen attacks.



^ Netanyahu said the attack at Copenhagen’s main synagogue should encourage Jews to leave Europe, in comments that disappointed Jair Melchior, Denmark’s chief rabbi.

“This wave of attacks is expected to continue,” Netanyahu said. “Jews deserve security in every country, but we say to our Jewish brothers and sisters, Israel is your home. We are preparing and calling for the absorption of mass immigration from Europe.”


His reaction was in stark contrast to that of Danish prime minister, ^ Helle Thorning-Schmidt. Thorning-Schmidt called for unity in Denmark. Speaking outside the synagogue on Sunday morning, she said: “The Jewish community is a large and integrated part of Danish society … We are together with you in your grief … Together we will shield Denmark from the kind of attack we saw last night.”

[Mohammed]

Actually rather funny, what Hitler didn't manage to do, Netanyahu just might.

But yeah, as I said, the rest should follow in their steps. French got killed in France, so all the French are planning to leave France. Danes got killed in Denmark, hence all the Danish turning into breakfast pastry.

You get killed in the east, you get killed in the west, don't you worry don't you worry child, Netanyahu sure knows best!

[HairOfTheDog]

Actually rather funny, what Hitler didn't manage to do, Netanyahu just might.

I sometimes wonder what Netanyahu is smoking these days.

He goes into France in the wake of the Hebdo attacks -- against requests -- elbows his way to the podium, positions the attacks as a persecution of Jews, and attempts to divide French Jews from their fellow citizens/residents by imploring them all to move to Israel. He delivers that message on the global stage, during an event meant to demonstrate the unity of all French citizens and residents (regardless of their religions or races) against terror.

Then, a month later, he delivers the exact same message (from a podium in Israel) to Danish Jews following the Copenhagen attacks.

In my opinion, in so doing, Netanyahu not only contradicts the global message the victims' governments are trying to send to their attackers, but apparently fails to the see the bizarre historical irony of his campaign.

I want Israel, and Jewish citizens there and everywhere, to be safe and secure. But, Netanyahu's separatist rhetoric and ideas rub me the wrong way.

[HairOfTheDog]

Egypt didn't have to deal with Netanyahu's grandstanding this last weekend as they mourned the killings of 21 Egyptian Christians.



The Egyptian hostages were led by IS-affiliates to the Libyan seaside where they were made to lay face down and were then simultaneously beheaded. RIP. Libya's currently without a functioning central government, with rival factions battling it out for control. The 21 men had gone to Libya for work (as tens of thousands of other Egyptians have done) and were kidnapped in December and January.

Some Egyptians are blaming the government for not doing enough to save the hostages. I don't know what President Sisi and company did or didn't do in that regard, but Cairo did not hesitate to retaliate against IS in Libya after the executions. The Egyptian and Libyan militaries joined forces and took military action by air. Cairo released a statement that warplanes targeted weapons caches and training camps before returning safely. It said the strikes were “to avenge the bloodshed and to seek retribution from the killers”.

The video of the beheadings was released the day after IS took control of Sirte, birthplace of the late dictator Muammar Gaddafi, with gunmen capturing government buildings and radio stations, the third town in Libya it now holds.

“All crusaders: safety for you will be only wishes, especially if you are fighting us all together. Therefore we will fight you all together,” the head IS executioner claims in the video of the beheadings. “The sea you have hidden Sheikh Osama bin Laden’s body in, we swear to Allah we will mix it with your blood. We will conquer Rome, by Allah’s permission.”

Egypt has made arrangements to assist all Egyptians living in Libya to exit the country, if they so desire. Italy has announced that it will participate in the fight against IS in Libya as their terror hubs move closer to Europe.

[blueberryhill]

IS really pissing off a lot of countries.....wish all members of the terrorist groups would have some kind of convention and then we could drop a big old bomb on the whole lot of them. Back in the 1960's, I was flying MATS from Charleston, S.C. to Azores Island and then on to Tripoli...We had short layovers there and were told not to go off base...We didn't....we went off base while laying over in the Azores...That is where I bought the lobster on the beach and became violently ill....I didn't get sick until a day later (very strange). When we arrived back in NYC, we went to German restaurant and I had ordered sauerbraten (sic) which was my favorite...It arrived at the table and that is when I became sick. I had to leave restaurant and was suffering for a day or so back at the Paramount Hotel (just off Broadway) in Times Square...I really enjoyed that City...Think I already told you that there was a beauty shop a couple blocks away from hotel which was open ²⁴⁄₇ because of all the theaters, clubs, etc. around there.....I recall walking there by myself at night, but it was a different time...wouldn't do it today...

[Mohammed]

Good old Sauerbraten with Dumplings, oh how I miss you!

We will conquer Rome? Cool!

Perhaps somebody will finally fully renovate and resurrect the Colosseum to its former fitting glory, burning Crosses, Lions and all. I'm gonna be Russel Crow!

[username]

I love the trail of successful interventions we're leaving all over the world. It's great to be a super power!!

[blueberryhill]

Good old Sauerbraten with Dumplings, oh how I miss you!

We will conquer Rome? Cool!

Perhaps somebody will finally fully renovate and resurrect the Colosseum to its former fitting glory, burning Crosses, Lions and all. I'm gonna be Russel Crow!

With dumplings? I always had the standard red cabbage. German restaurants are not that common. There are two here in the East Valley and even though they advertise authentic German food, it didn't taste good. It was my Birthday and I got to chose the German place. We tried to order pre dinner drinks and the owner all dressed in her German "dress" complete with her apron and told us we should be able to wait until our meals were served to order drinks...huh?
On the way out, I murmured something about her being a Nazi....we never went there again....
You can be Russell Crowe, just so I am not the one being eaten by the Lions.

[sally]

With dumplings?

They're actually called spaetzle. They're just little homemade dumplings made from water, egg and flour. My husband makes them with goulash.

We have a German restaurant here that makes sauerkraut soup. As weird as that sounds it's really good. I'm going to try to replicate it at home one of these days.

[blueberryhill]

With dumplings?

They're actually called spaetzle. They're just little homemade dumplings made from water, egg and flour. My husband makes them with goulash.

We have a German restaurant here that makes sauerkraut soup. As weird as that sounds it's really good. I'm going to try to replicate it at home one of these days.

Well, Mo should have just said spaetzle; i have had homemade and store bought ones.....That is dough you push off in bits into boiling water. I was never successful when trying to make my mother's homemade noodles so i don't even try to do it. I don't know if Rhodes carries this product, but think I bought some in Safeway grocery store in the "imported" aisle. I like sauerkraut with pork spare ribs.....good for crock pot.
My neighbor in Kansas was from Germany and she gave me recipe for steak roll ups. I know it starts with an R but can't think of it now. You take thinly sized pieces of meat (veal is best), slap mustard on it, add chopped dill pickles, onions, diced bacon (uncooked), place in center of meat and roll up, secure with toothpicks. after browning, I add beef broth, red wine, etc. to steak rolls and simmer until concentrated, then add more liquids....and simmer again for more flavorful sauce.
Hey, we are not on the food thread......how does this happen?

[Mohammed]

Most gorgeous Goddess of plenty, no, with Sauerbraten it is actually Dumplings. Either Potato or, as we call them, Semmelknoedel, for which you use cut up dried white bread, chopped parsley, bacon, warm milk, eggs, flour, nutmeg, salt and pepper, which you turn into a wonderful slush that you then roll into dumplings in your hands, and poach them in hot water. Once they rise to the surface, they are done. Sort of like Gnocchi.

And yes, Sauerbraten, braised Red Cabbage, and Knoedel (Dumplings), Spaetzle are indeed for Goulash and now I am fucking hungry!

Blueberry, what you're talking about is called Rouladen.

[Duchess]

how does this happen?

People have real conversations. It's unnatural to remain on topic and not get sidetracked. Conversation flows.

[Maggot]

There is only one true God...............



Solidarity shahada

[blueberryhill]

Most gorgeous Goddess of plenty, no, with Sauerbraten it is actually Dumplings. Either Potato or, as we call them, Semmelknoedel, for which you use cut up dried white bread, chopped parsley, bacon, warm milk, eggs, flour, nutmeg, salt and pepper, which you turn into a wonderful slush that you then roll into dumplings in your hands, and poach them in hot water. Once they rise to the surface, they are done. Sort of like Gnocchi.

And yes, Sauerbraten, braised Red Cabbage, and Knoedel (Dumplings), Spaetzle are indeed for Goulash and now I am fucking hungry!

Blueberry, what you're talking about is called Rouladen.

Yes, rouladen, thank you! Very good if you get the right meat. Sometimes even when I pound the shit out of it,. it isn't the tastiest....think I used round steak. ..I can see how that all fits together to make one delicious entre....I want to go to a German restaurant now, and I don't want to go back to the Nazi who won't let you order drinks until your food arrives.....I did confuse spaetzle with gnocchi, but did find spaetzle in package at Safeway.

[Maggot]

This might seem crazy but the United States are chastising Egypt for bombing ISIS...................

The United States does not support Egyptian and Emirati airstrikes against Islamist militias in Libya because the U.S. believes the crisis in Libya must be resolved politically and without outside interference, a Department of Defense spokesman said Tuesday.

link

[username]

Yep! Sounds crazy. We really need to just shut up sometimes. The more bombing Da'ish, the merrier I say.

[Duchess]

He scolded Egypt for bombing ISIS?

[Midwest Spy]

He was back at it again yesterday, failing to say ISIS is the Islamic state. Still won't acknowledge that these people are using the guidance of Islam to do what they do.

But, he was quick to say that the 3 kids killed in NC last week were "Muslims and victims of hate and bigotry."

He wouldn't acknowlege the 21 'Christians' murdered in Egypt.

I really am beginning to wonder about his true identity. First of all, Barack Hussein Obama is not a traditional Western name, and certainly sounds Muslim to me.

Rudy Giuliani said yesterday that Barack doesn't 'love' the United States. I get what he's trying to say. He's very critical of our nation, embraces Islam (which is certainly not a religion of the West) and is always apologizing and kneeling for us in public.

I'm less impressed every day.