HERE'S YOUR SIGN

[Duchess]

ARIES: You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are basically a prick. You seldom think others are good enough for you so you masturbate a lot.

TAURUS: You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist. You have an intense love for whips and chains.

GEMINI: You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap selfish bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER: You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. Everyone thinks you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Most Cancers are frigid.

LEO: You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. You arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and get their kicks from sniffing bicycle seats and kissing mirrors.

VIRGO: You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good garbage collectors.

LIBRA: You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent because you are a rip-off. If you are male you are probably queer. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO: You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve great success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered. Scorpio women give good head because they have no morals.

SAGITTARIUS: You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or pot-heads. You are almost always impotent. People laugh as you a lot because you are always getting fucked.

CAPRICORN: You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken-shit. You fear people and relationships. Most Capricorns prefer rubber dolls. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

AQUARIUS: You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progresive. You lie a great deal. On the other heand, you are inclined to be careless and impratical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES: You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI and CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.

[Maggot]

VIRGO: You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good garbage collectors.

[Eat Shit And Die]

LEO: You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. You arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and get their kicks from sniffing bicycle seats and kissing mirrors.

Thanks, are you an Aries?

[username]

Taurus.

[sally]

Leo

[Carsman]

Fuckin Virgo, deal with it!


(Anybody want to buy some garbage?)

[Clang McFly]

Leo.

[Duchess]

The good, the bad & the slutty -

Aries: The Minute Man
This fire sign is known for being a pretty straight shooter. Aries will have no compunction at all about sharing his or her raunchiest ideas about what to do in the sack. The problem with straight shooters, though, is that they always like to get right to the point. So count on an Aries to take charge and get you where you want to go—in a hurry.

Taurus: The Romancer
Where Aries is all lusty impulse, Taurus takes his or her time. Plan on being wined and dined, perhaps to the point of frustration. And once the Taurus has decided you’re the one for the job, prepare yourself for plenty of foreplay. If romance is your thing, Taurus is your sign.

Gemini: The Talker
The Gemini will bring all his or her intellect to bear upon getting bare. If you have simpler, quieter tastes, you might be a little shocked by Gemini’s saucy, seductive monologues. But if phone sex and dirty talking gets your motor humming, a Gemini is what you’re looking for. But be prepared to not get a word in edgewise.

Cancer: The Love Maker
Cancers are highly emotional signs, which means that sex is not merely a mechanical physical undertaking; rather it is expected to be a poetic act of beauty and love and all that good stuff. If you’re going to get naked with a Cancer, prepare yourself for an intense ride. And perhaps some post-coital crying.

Leo: The Narcissist
The passionate and adventurous nature of the Leo cannot be surpassed. There is no end to the imaginative ways a Leo will come up with for you to pleasure him or her. Those cats are born sexual dominants who ooze lusty confidence, and they’re unapologetic about it. While your romp with the lion will be memorable, for sure, best remember your satisfaction will be a secondary matter.

Virgo: The Closet Nympho
You might be surprised to learn that shy, demurring Virgo would ever be ready to rock without than fistfuls of condoms and spanking clean bed sheets. The reserved demeanor of the earthy virgins doesn’t hint at their inner lustiness. Once your Virgo knows and trusts you, watch out. You won’t get a moment’s peace.

Libra: The Connoisseur
The Libra is an artiste when it comes to knocking boots. They seek out a perfect harmony with their partner, luxuriating in every detail, and they go big on romantic accoutrements such as lingerie, massage oil, and soft music. You know, so it’s just like a bad porno—perhaps it even includes a fortuitously timed visit from the pizza guy.

Scorpio: The Leg-Humper
Fiery, licentious Scropio is the horn dog of the zodiac. While their sexual prowess and magnetism can hardly be ignored, getting in bed with a scorpion can have its sting. While you will probably get the ride of your life, Scorpio’s love ’em and leave ’em approach to sex could leave less lusty signs cold.

Sagittarius: The Don Juan (or Juanita)
A master of the art of seduction, a Sagittarius is all about the hunt. They hone their powers of seduction, pouncing upon their objects of desire only after rendering them utterly helpless in the face of their sexual deftness.

Capricorn: The Slow Boat
Capricorn can come across as a lumbering kind of lover. Slow to make the first move, patient to the point of impertinence once the ball does get rolling, Caps may not wow with skill and energy in the sack, but they will steadily, diligently apply themselves to the all-you-can-eat buffet of their lover. Be patient with a Capricorn, and you will be well rewarded.

Aquarius: The Toy Collector
If you’re someone who is put off by the idea of a velvet box full of scintillating, slippery, and battery-operated accoutrements under your lover’s bed, it’s best you steer clear of Aquarius. Always ready to experiment with any number of the paths to pleasing themselves and their partners, the Aquarian will bring more to the party than some signs can take.

Pisces: Old Faithful
Much like Cancer, Pisces will value the emotional connectivity of sex over the physical one. Passion, love, attention, patience—these will all come into play with your Pisces lover. But you’ll likely have to do most of the work. The fish are notoriously lazy lays, preferring to kick back and bask in the attentions of their beloved. Might want to take a cue from Aquarius and bring some party favors to keep things interesting.

[ramseycat]

Um, Scorpio.

[Duchess]

Leg humper

[ramseycat]

Duchess gives good leg. LOL

[JsMom]

Cancer

[Clang McFly]

I was born under the wrong sign. Pisces...lazy lay...

[OnBendedKnee]

^
Sounds like you were born under exactly the right sign.
Now you've got something else you can blame your troubles on.

[Cracker]

^
Sounds like you were born under exactly the right sign.
Now you've got something else you can blame your troubles on.

He likes his life. He doesn't have to do shit. He's going to ride the Mama Milk Train all the way to the station.

[Clang McFly]

^
Sounds like you were born under exactly the right sign.
Now you've got something else you can blame your troubles on.

He likes his life. He doesn't have to do shit. He's going to ride the Mama Milk Train all the way to the station.

I don't do paid shit(yet). I'm productive in other ways...physical, mental, and spiritual.

And no I do not "like" my life. I've just come to accept it.

[Cracker]

Well then, let's accept something else:



That is the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. They are all hot. You really need to change the title under your avatar to reflect your actual current state of affairs:



Like anybody really thinks you or ramsey are pretty...










JsMom will support you, but only because you wear the same size and she wants to borrow your purple boots.

[Clang McFly]

Sure, suggestions? Here I'll start.

Broke Ass Wigger?
Franciscan Postulant/Intiate?
Knight of Columbus?
Crossdressing Freakazoid?
Mama's Boy?
Fatass Loser?
Mega Juggs?
The Male Ramsey?
Forever Virgin?

[JsMom]

She thinks of me often...shreek...it's pretty creepy.

[ramseycat]

She thinks of me often...shreek...it's pretty creepy.

Isn't it though? Her and F2 are always commenting on one of us. I find it amusing to irritate them on purpose.