HOME FUNERALS

[Duchess]

Apparently they are growing in popularity. Who knew?!

The Kirks had known for a long time that their little girl, Caroline, would die. In her last weeks, she was under hospice care, lived off an oxygen machine, was fed through a tube, and spoke only in small murmurs. It was the normal course for a child born with Niemann-Pick, a terminal disease that gradually leads to the breakdown of the nervous system, brain and lungs.

What happened after Caroline's death was anything but typical.

Alison and Doug carried Caroline upstairs to the bathtub, where they washed her skin and hair, dried her limp, 45-pound body with a towel and placed her head on a pillow on the bed in her old room. Alison slipped a white communion dress on Caroline, turned up the air-conditioning and put ice packs by her daughter’s sides. She put pink lipstick on the child's paling lips, and covered up Caroline's toes and fingers, which were turning blue at the nails, with the family quilt.

Caroline stayed in her bedroom for 36 hours for her final goodbyes. There was no traditional funeral home service, and no coroner or medical examiner was on hand. Caroline's death was largely a home affair, with a short cemetery burial that followed.

Could you do that?

[Sphincter Cop]

NO! This is bad decorating sense.... Plus, I'm not good with dusting.

[username]

Wow. That would be a big NO. I've only been present at one death (my dad's) and the mortuary picked him up within an hour or two of his death. Even in that time, his body changed quite a bit. I can't imagine why someone would want to watch their loved one continue to change over 36 hours. No, no, no. But, I don't understand open casket funerals either.

[ramseycat]

Um no. I guess parents handle their grief in different ways.

[username]

Um no. I guess parents handle their grief in different ways.

Politically correct. Just say it, Ramsey. Packing your kid with ice for 36 hours is freaking bizarre.

[ramseycat]

It's VERY bizarre to me. But I have never lost a child. I could totally go off the reservation and want to have him stuffed. Or frozen until they find a cure for what killed him.

[Teacher]

I guess I was wrong. I thought bodies had to be embalmed.

That used to be the way families handled deaths and funerals. My MIL who was born in 1904 prepared the bodies and her husband built the coffins. Nothing to do with being associated with a funeral home.

During my loooong lifetime I have only heard of two people who were kept at home. The first was my husband's father (who died 5 months before he was born); the second was in the 70's (the well-to-do husband of a much older friend than I was). Seemed rather creepy to me.

User, I have been told and read in many articles relating to death that it is easier on the family to have an open casket - a form of good-bye and closure for the loved ones. Have no idea if this is true or not.

[FAHQTOO]

Creepy.

Did I miss something? Wouldn't you need a coroner or a doctor to sign a death certificate, or to make sure there was no foul play?

I know she was terminal and was going to die, but what about grams or gramps dying in their sleep? Wouldn't you need to notify someone of legal authority when they die...if you want a home funeral?

[username]

User, I have been told and read in many articles relating to death that it is easier on the family to have an open casket - a form of good-bye and closure for the loved ones. Have no idea if this is true or not.

I'm sure that's probably why many families choose to have open caskets. I don't fault them for their choice but personally I don't want that for me or my family.

[sally]

Grandma or grandpa would be creepy, a child not so much if I think about it. I think I'd want to spend as long as possible next my child while waiting for the burial and rather them in their own room than the morgue or funeral home.

Now that I think about it I hope my family leaves me on the back porch untill the box and hole is ready.

[Duchess]

I think I'd want to spend as long as possible next my child while waiting for the burial and rather them in their own room than the morgue or funeral home.

When you put it like that I can understand why parents would want their child at home. I don't think, actually I know, I couldn't handle that. I would be a hot mess. My misery would render me worthless.

[sally]

I'd be a mess either way.

When my dog died we were remodeling the house and staying somewhere else so I put him in the car and drove him to the house to bury him under tree. I couldn't stand to put him the ground right away so I told my husband that I had to go back to the rental house and get a blanket to wrap him in and I ended up sitting in the car with him for two hours crying my eyes out.

[NightOwl]

Well I admire the Kirks! I love reading where people are taking charge again.

I also have to agree with Sally the Kirks needed to be close to their child right to the end, it is something that I would think would come natural caring for your own, it was how it was done in the past, it should not be shocking.

My Aunt held my Uncles hand at home to the end, they adored one another and she thought nothing of caring for his body and dressing him in a suit before they put him in a casket. No funeral home and a graveside Service.

I'm not a fan of Funeral Homes open caskets, guest books and all this type of thing.

Preparing your own loved one for burial is fine by me, I could do it.

[Duchess]

When my dog died we were remodeling the house and staying somewhere else so I put him in the car and drove him to the house to bury him under tree. I couldn't stand to put him the ground right away so I told my husband that I had to go back to the rental house and get a blanket to wrap him in and I ended up sitting in the car with him for two hours crying my eyes out.

That's very sad & endearing.

[cladking]

My grandmother used to say she didn't like the smell of roses because there was so often a body in the parlour with the flowers. People used to lose lots of relatives and few made it out of childhood. My great grandfather's tombstone is surrounded by several of his children who died at a young age.

[Teacher]

My MIL (1904 - 1992) was one of 14 children. 8 of those died while very young. I don't know how the parents stood it. It's so sad to see all of those little tombstones surrounding their parents. On the other hand, my mom was one of 10 and they all survived - they all lived past 51 except for 1 who died at that age.

[OnBendedKnee]

It's VERY bizarre to me. But I have never lost a child. I could totally go off the reservation and want to have him stuffed. Or frozen until they find a cure for what killed him.

A man will walk the moon before any of what you described will happen.

[JsMom]

Wow. That would be a big NO. I've only been present at one death (my dad's) and the mortuary picked him up within an hour or two of his death. Even in that time, his body changed quite a bit. I can't imagine why someone would want to watch their loved one continue to change over 36 hours. No, no, no. But, I don't understand open casket funerals either.

What the hell is wrong with an open casket? But the home funeral deal...Hell No I'd seriously be creeped out.

[JsMom]

I think I'd want to spend as long as possible next my child while waiting for the burial and rather them in their own room than the morgue or funeral home.

(I couldn't handle that. I would be a hot mess. My misery would render me worthless.)

That's exactly it.

[JsMom]

My MIL (1904 - 1992) was one of 14 children. 8 of those died while very young. I don't know how the parents stood it. It's so sad to see all of those little tombstones surrounding their parents. On the other hand, my mom was one of 10 and they all survived - they all lived past 51 except for 1 who died at that age.

:( And I thought I had it bad!