I see trouble on the way..........


Today I was hungry so I stuck a frozen pizza in the oven. I figured 20 min I would go check on it but........
I decided to mow the lawn, I did quite a bit and got to this bush in the corner of the yard so I stopped the mower and trimmed it with some shears I had hanging up.
I start mowing again and look over to see the Professor stomping through the grass at me she looked pissed. I stop the mower and she says "What did you put in the oven?" I say a pizza and off she goes.
I'm mowing and I see her stomping over from afar looking really,really pissed now and look towards the kitchen and see black smoke coming out the window. I did the only thing I could think of and .............ran
I go by the swingset and try to squeeze through the hole in the fence and get through to the pool cursing because I gained weight and could hear her yelling " What the hell are you doing in my kitchen bla bla bla..........
I made it to the backside of the house without her seeing me and snuck down the bulkhead into my furnace room, locked the doors and grabbed a beer and hunkered down. She was looking and yelling for me hard but I just shut my mouth, turned off the lights and sat there.


Needless to say I'm freakin starving now and wondering if I could order a pizza and have it delivered to the backyard..

Blue Moon tonight.

I'm gettin' laid.

I played Earl Thomas Conley's 'Once In A Blue Moon' for her, and I'm in.

Good luck Maggs!

You're probably going to have to roll up a piece of salami and cheese and call it a day.

(07-31-2015, 10:59 PM)Midwest Spy Wrote: I played Earl Thomas Conley's 'Once In A Blue Moon' for her, and I'm in.

Who the fuck is that? I take it your wife is about 70.

That big, fat moon shined through my bedroom window and made it seem like I had dozens of candles burning. It was bee-u-tee-ful.

I'm sure the Professor is over it by now. She wouldn't have gone to bed angry with you. Pick her some pretty flowers and give her bottom lip a lil' suck.

(07-31-2015, 11:17 PM)sally Wrote:

(07-31-2015, 10:59 PM)Midwest Spy Wrote: I played Earl Thomas Conley's 'Once In A Blue Moon' for her, and I'm in.

Who the fuck is that? I take it your wife is about 70.

She's actually 42, right around the age of your old ass.

We had too much Bombay Sapphire Gin last night.

I passed out.

Its all good now.

The moon is racist. It's white, and the black side is always kept away from us.

(08-01-2015, 02:30 PM)Jimbone Wrote: The moon is racist. It's white, and the black side is always kept away from us.

That's why its a white man on the moon.

(08-01-2015, 02:30 PM)Jimbone Wrote: The moon is racist. It's white, and the black side is always kept away from us.

What about Total Eclipse of the Heart? Does that not mean anything to you?

I love the visuals.


I would have said: "listen up fucker, I'm out here MOWING THE LAWN, so give me a God damn break if I burnt a little pizza in the kitchen...".

I think in your case, Maggot, running was the smart choice. Yes I do.

(07-31-2015, 10:59 PM)Midwest Spy Wrote: Blue Moon tonight.

I'm gettin' laid.

I'm getting my hopes up(again). A female customer was a few bucks short to pay for her groceries and had hoped to cash in her scratch off ticket to make up the difference but I told her I couldn't cash out her lottery ticket and she would have to wait until the customer service desk opened. So then I offered to buy her ticket off her so she afford all her groceries. She called me adorable, asked for my number, and said maybe she'll call me sometime. All I know about her is her name is Kristie, she lived alone for 7 years, has cats, and lives in a red brick building next to Bob's diner.

(08-02-2015, 02:54 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: I'm getting my hopes up(again). A female customer was a few bucks short to pay for her groceries and had hoped to cash in her scratch off ticket to make up the difference but I told her I couldn't cash out her lottery ticket and she would have to wait until the customer service desk opened. So then I offered to buy her ticket off her so she afford all her groceries. She called me adorable, asked for my number, and said maybe she'll call me sometime. All I know about her is her name is Kristie, she lived alone for 7 years, has cats, and lives in a red brick building next to Bob's diner.

I'm surprised there's been no nibbles on this troll bait.

I took a bite. I asked him about it in his thread so people wouldn't complain about it being talked about all over Mock.

(08-02-2015, 08:12 PM)Jimbone Wrote:

(08-02-2015, 02:54 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: I'm getting my hopes up(again). A female customer was a few bucks short to pay for her groceries and had hoped to cash in her scratch off ticket to make up the difference but I told her I couldn't cash out her lottery ticket and she would have to wait until the customer service desk opened. So then I offered to buy her ticket off her so she afford all her groceries. She called me adorable, asked for my number, and said maybe she'll call me sometime. All I know about her is her name is Kristie, she lived alone for 7 years, has cats, and lives in a red brick building next to Bob's diner.

I'm surprised there's been no nibbles on this troll bait.

I'm surprised at the double standard around here. People can derail threads with thir lovey dovey crap and no one cares but poor old crossdressing fat fuck Clang posts about his attempts at love and its "oh noes! He must be trolling so lets contain the "bullshit" in his pity/vanity thread. In short, kindly go fuck yourself, Jimmy Bonehead.

(08-03-2015, 12:18 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: no one cares but poor old crossdressing fat fuck Clang posts about his attempts at love and its "oh noes! He must be trolling so lets contain the "bullshit" in his pity/vanity thread.

I don't view you that way, Clang and I surely didn't start your thread out of pity. I was, and am, sincerely interested.

(08-03-2015, 12:18 PM)Clang McFly Wrote:

(08-02-2015, 08:12 PM)Jimbone Wrote:

(08-02-2015, 02:54 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: I'm getting my hopes up(again). A female customer was a few bucks short to pay for her groceries and had hoped to cash in her scratch off ticket to make up the difference but I told her I couldn't cash out her lottery ticket and she would have to wait until the customer service desk opened. So then I offered to buy her ticket off her so she afford all her groceries. She called me adorable, asked for my number, and said maybe she'll call me sometime. All I know about her is her name is Kristie, she lived alone for 7 years, has cats, and lives in a red brick building next to Bob's diner.

I'm surprised there's been no nibbles on this troll bait.

I'm surprised at the double standard around here. People can derail threads with thir lovey dovey crap and no one cares but poor old crossdressing fat fuck Clang posts about his attempts at love and its "oh noes! He must be trolling so lets contain the "bullshit" in his pity/vanity thread. In short, kindly go fuck yourself, Jimmy Bonehead.

Clang, you are beloved.

Now, do tell about Kirsten.

I've dated one woman in my life named Kirsten and she was a freak-a-leak.

Edit: of course, she was a Scorpio, so that probably had more to do with it.

(08-03-2015, 12:24 PM)Duchess Wrote:

(08-03-2015, 12:18 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: no one cares but poor old crossdressing fat fuck Clang posts about his attempts at love and its "oh noes! He must be trolling so lets contain the "bullshit" in his pity/vanity thread.

I don't view you that way, Clang and I surely didn't start your thread out of pity. I was, and am, sincerely interested.

yeah I know. My post wasn't directed at you(or ramseycat, username, Maggot, HotD, love child, Donovan, jsmom)

Every now and then evil Clang comes out. He will cut a nigga.

(08-03-2015, 07:20 PM)Donovan Wrote: Every now and then evil Clang comes out. He will cut a nigga.

evil Clang ain't THAT evil. He'll either get way too angry and mean or cry like a little bitch.