I have a romantic view of the funerals I've seen out of New Orleans, I'm charmed by them, weird, I know. The jazz, the dancing in the streets, the whole celebration of a life lived.

I've been to other funerals (my phone once began to loudly ring with Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy, during a viewing) that are somber & dignified.

...and still others have loud sobbing, there is actual wailing going on, some people need help to even stand up straight, they need to be supported while wailing. Not saying white people don't do that, only that I've never seen it done. Is it a cultural thing or just a white/black trash thing?

I cried pretty hard at my moms and brothers funerals. But I tried to hide it. I was mortified. I hate that I get so emotional. I think the wailing and carrying on is more of a black thing.

I don't know if it's color or race related, or not.

For me, as long as it's an expression of sincere emotion, I don't care how loudly or quietly people grieve the loss of loved ones. I've attended a lot of memorials for people of all different ethnic backgrounds; seen and heard a lot (and sometimes very little).

When people express dramatic insincere grief in order to steal the deceased person's spotlight, however, I do think less of them and sometimes kinda wish they'd just drop dead.

It's not color related.

I have been to funerals (mostly white, & two black) where the spouse of the departed just sitting there quietly, would wail uncontrollably every time a new mourner would come into the room. Wail at the top of their lungs for 2 to 3 minutes, then got quiet again, then new mourner, more wailing, it was like an old wound would open up each and every time they saw a new mourner.
Very upsetting to say the least!

I'm so uncomfortable when I see people making a spectacle of themselves.

That flailing wailing stuff gets under my skin and I want to stuff a liverwurst sandwich in their mullet.

I think you're more likely to see black people dropping to their knees and crying "oh lord Jesus, why why why!" I didn't do that at my dads funeral, but at the end when every one was walking by his casket to say their last goodbye I couldn't control the crying when I got there, I probably looked like I was going into convulsions.

Same with my mom and those fucking Hospice people wouldn't leave the room, they just sat there counting out her leftover pills and making small talk with each other. Then as I'm hugging my mom the nurse came over and closed her eyes. I would have closed her eyes myself. The entire time she was dying and even after she died those people would not give me 5 minutes alone with her.

Isn't that the expected outburst, of emotion, after one of our drones bombs civilians and the media is filming the aftermath?

Or when a dentist kills a lion?

(08-25-2015, 05:19 PM)sally Wrote: The entire time she was dying and even after she died those people would not give me 5 minutes alone with her.

That makes me sad & mad for you. I remember you talking about that after she died and I had the same reaction then. How dare they.

(08-25-2015, 05:37 PM)Duchess Wrote:

(08-25-2015, 05:19 PM)sally Wrote: The entire time she was dying and even after she died those people would not give me 5 minutes alone with her.

That makes me sad & mad for you. I remember you talking about that after she died and I had the same reaction then. How dare they.

Jayne who was two at the time pushed a button on my mom's oxygen machine 2 days before my mom died, no big deal I just turned it back on. The same fat fuck nurse that tripped over the oxygen machine and pulled the whole damn cord out of it said that my daughter shouldn't come there anymore because she doesn't understand anyway. Really, well my mom understands, did you ask her if she wants to see her granddaughter before she dies?

So my uncle calls me up and says I'm going to need to make other arrangements for my daughter while I visit my mom. The hospice nurse said a two year old doesn't belong there.

My head is going to explode if I think about it anymore. And this is just some of it.

(08-03-2015, 06:44 AM)Duchess Wrote:

I'm so uncomfortable when I see people making a spectacle of themselves.

Just try it sometime.

Just kidding.

Have you lost someone close to you where you feel like wailing?

Here is a story:
I was about to go Christmas shopping with a friend one year, she came to my house and told me a friend of ours had died-funeral was that day, did I want to go?
OF COURSE I DID! LOL. WTF.

The thing that sucked was everyone else had time to deal with it because they knew for a fucking week. I found out that day-so I was still weeping.
Fucking A-it was awful!

The new celebrations of life make funerals easier to deal with.

Another funeral I went to last year-my cousin, he was close to my age, military funeral, his mom wept loudly. We all wept silently with her. I miss him.

I have gone to a lot of funerals the last 2 years.
It is one of the reasons I went away to my mountain community. I can't even remember the names of all those I have lost the last couple of years. Sometimes when I get still, I think about it and I can remember.

P.S.
The fires going on in my lovely little mountain community-
3 fire fighters died.
There was weeping that day.

Sometimes I get pretty emotional now when I think about them, and also when I think about some of the other losses in these fires. It has been an emotional time.

(08-03-2015, 06:44 AM)Duchess Wrote:

I'm so uncomfortable when I see people making a spectacle of themselves.

But actually-yeah, like when it isn't called for-or when it seems fake. Sometimes those emotions should be let out in the closeness of your family or friends only.
But I often envy those that can just let it out. I often hold it in until I am alone or driving, then I let it out.

Okay, enough from me. On to something more pleasant for the evening.

(08-26-2015, 04:08 AM)Love Child Wrote: Just try it sometime.

Just kidding.

Have you lost someone close to you where you feel like wailing?

I've had a couple losses where I've wailed mentally but I've never lost my shit and had people witness it. I don't want anyone to see my pain, it's mine and I don't care to share it. I don't like losing my composure under any circumstance, I keep that shit hidden.

(08-03-2015, 06:44 AM)Duchess Wrote:

I'm so uncomfortable when I see people making a spectacle of themselves.

Yeah I felt weird and uncomfortable when my classmate in 5^th grade died in a motorcycle accident and everyone but me is crying. Then it got weirder and more uncomfortable when someone in my class pointed it out to everyone that I wasn't crying. I remember thing to myself " I'm the weird, quiet shy kid and I wasn't really his friend, I didn't know him" that's why I'm not crying.

(08-26-2015, 06:41 AM)Duchess Wrote:

(08-26-2015, 04:08 AM)Love Child Wrote: Just try it sometime.

Just kidding.

Have you lost someone close to you where you feel like wailing?

I've had a couple losses where I've wailed mentally but I've never lost my shit and had people witness it. I don't want anyone to see my pain, it's mine and I don't care to share it. I don't like losing my composure under any circumstance, I keep that shit hidden.

As a Duchess does.

(08-03-2015, 09:14 AM)Maggot Wrote: That flailing wailing stuff gets under my skin and I want to stuff a liverwurst sandwich in their mullet.

Hardest thing I ever did was dealing with my dads and my little brothers funerals [2 separate times]. I had to be the strong one and hold the rest of the family up. Not a tear shed until I was alone, days later. Then all hell broke loose. I probably looked like a cold hearted dick by not crying at my dads funeral. I don't know how I did it.

(08-26-2015, 06:41 AM)Duchess Wrote:

(08-26-2015, 04:08 AM)Love Child Wrote: Just try it sometime.

Just kidding.

Have you lost someone close to you where you feel like wailing?

I've had a couple losses where I've wailed mentally but I've never lost my shit and had people witness it. I don't want anyone to see my pain, it's mine and I don't care to share it. I don't like losing my composure under any circumstance, I keep that shit hidden.

I thanked a friend for letting me cry with them this weekend. Acutally I was the only one shedding the tears. I felt safe and comfortable and they were not there saying, "Don't cry". They just helped wipe the tears away, it was kind of funny. I hate it when people want to do something or "take away" the pain. Just let me cry.

(08-27-2015, 10:07 AM)F.U. Wrote: Hardest thing I ever did was dealing with my dads and my little brothers funerals [2 separate times]. I had to be the strong one and hold the rest of the family up. Not a tear shed until I was alone, days later. Then all hell broke loose. I probably looked like a cold hearted dick by not crying at my dads funeral. I don't know how I did it.

I watched a good friend go through this. Strong as ever at his son's funeral. Wasn't until almost 2 years later that I saw him shed tears that were held in. He wouldn't show his family though.

I think loud wailing and carrying on often depends on the religion(s) of those holding the memorial (or those doing the carrying on). Baptists tend to be loud, Lutherans are a more reserved bunch.

Beyond religion, I think it's cultural.

There was a local story recently about a book club getting kicked off a wine train after being asked several times to quiet down. I think there were 11 women, 10 black,1 white.

Reading that story I heard Cracker in the back of my head: "Why are black people so LOUD"?