So I figure this is a good place for this, because it's been bugging me for a while and probably deserves a public airing. A lot of people here have been following and commenting on the #metoo movement since it blew up, including the recently wrapped Weinstein case. I have also had a lot of opinions on the matter and have given it a lot of thought during my time away from here. I've always thought myself very liberal, very tolerant and progressive in my worldview, which is why the #metoo movement kinda bugged me with regard to some of the behavior witnessed here daily, so much so that I had to take some time away. That hasn't really helped ease my irritation, so I felt like I should come back and state my piece.

I'm calling out myself. 

See, I've always prided myself as some kind of "equal opportunity asshole" who treated men and women the same, blasting those who needed it, pulling no punches, and obliterating that line in the sand of "what not to say" in flaming/trolling/etc. Fancied myself something of a maverick even. But as the details of what women revealed in #metoo emerged, I began to realize with uncomfortable dawning clarity: I have been every awful experience some women have faced daily for their entire lives. My schtick wasn't  unique, or irreverent,  or non-gender-biased, it was literally identical to what every woman here and elsewhere has had to live with from basically the onset of puberty if not before. My crass and vulgar sex innuendo wasn't adorable or clever. It was creepy and all-too familiar to the women I interacted with, most of whom were simply too weary or jaded to bother pointing it out. So I'm doing it for them.

I'm not a supporter, or an ally, or a female empowerment advocate.

I'm the fucking problem. 

I have said before, I have excellent recall of written stuff, including things I wrote myself. So many of the things I've said here are still painfully embedded in my memory. Women I've insulted with sexist jibes, women I've "complimented" with creepy come-ons, women I've simply lambasted for daring to admit being female online. Me and every other creep they've had to shrug and smile and laugh off just in order to make it thru the day without screaming.

I'm the fucking problem. And that realization hit me pretty hard. Even when a person like me freely admits to being an asshole, it's a bitter pill to realize I am way worse than even I reckoned. Because self-awareness is always kind of tongue in cheek, with a sly smile and a wink. I'm so awful, (but not really).

Yes, really.

So to Sally, and User, and Duchess, and HotD, and LoveChild, and, literally every other woman here and elsewhere I've subjected to creepiness based on their coincidental ownership of female genitalia and a mistaken idea that I was being funny: I apologize deeply for those affronts whether you were offended or not. If I used your gender as a bludgeon, I regret it and it bugs me. If I subjected you to creepy come-ons disguised as "flirts" attempting to be funny...I see it now. Moments of clarity sting a little. But they make us better if we choose to listen.

Don't misunderstand this post. I'm still an asshole. Pretty sure that is hardwired into my personality. I still harbor unrequited crushes on the women whose words and intellect and interactions have tickled my brainstem here and elsewhere. I still will call bullshit where and when I perceive it, irregardless of gender. But when I do, I promise to try to take a moment to truly consider my words and whether they are valid to the subject...or just more empty sexist trash many of you have dealt with since childhood. 

I'm the fucking problem. But I'm trying real hard to not be.

Baby steps.

dude

Donovan, you don't owe me an apology. I've never felt you disrespected me in that way or any other way. Honestly, I've never felt you've been anything but charming with me, all in places where you could have said any damn thing you pleased. You could have been a dick on any number of occasions yet, you never were. I can only speak to my experience with you and that's what I've done.

You don't owe me an apology either Donovan.  

Going back and forth with you has been among the funnier and more interesting experiences I've had on-line; you could always take (often gleefully) what you dished out in regards to gender jabs and all else. Plus, I sometimes learn from you.

Trust me, there are a lot of things I've said and done in the past that I would not today because I have a better understanding of the issues; my views continue to change as I see and learn more too.  

So, I get where you're coming from, even though I think you're being way too hard on yourself here.  I respect the self-reflection and appreciate how you feel about it.  

Anyway, I sincerely hope you don't pull a runner after one or two posts.  I really miss you around here. I'm not flirting with you or anything, I swear!  But, even if I were, I hope we (collectively) don't get to a point where flirting is considered a sexually inappropriate act or anything.  It's just harmless fun to me.  

(02-25-2020, 11:28 AM)HairOfTheDog Wrote: Going back and forth with you has been among the funnier and more interesting experiences I've had on-line

I always loved that and would sometimes shamelessly beg for more.

I hope he sticks around too!

Weinstien is one ugly bitch, can you imagine that walrus huffing and puffing and rubbing his whiskers all over. He should be shot.

(02-25-2020, 12:46 PM)Maggot Wrote: can you imagine that walrus huffing and puffing and rubbing his whiskers all over. 

*heaves*

Don't get me wrong, I'm still an asshole and probably will be again. It's a safe bet. And I wasn't halfass fishing for anyone to soothe my ruffled feathers or tell me I didnt hurt them, especially not here. I know all of you bunch of tough dames can take the heat. It's part of the reason I love Mock (and yes I am making a concerted effort to be around more. Goddamn politics ate my life).

But I am a firm believer in the power of self reflection as well as the power of spoken and written language. I've had some nasty throw downs over people pretending their online antics "don't count" or that certain boundaries didn't exist on the inta net. And when the #metoo stuff started to come out, a lot of it hit close to home. A little too much for my comfort. I ain't saying I have run around in a trenchcoat flashing little old ladies (but I will consider it if the price is right). But there are conversations here and elsewhere I'd kinda like to have back, moments I'm not real proud of. So I thought I'd just air it out here rather than, you know, in my head at three in the morning when I can't sleep.

Maybe you should just rub your nutsack with fiberglass insulation, its fairly cheap and when you're laying in bed thinking how many times you fucked over the opposite sex those thoughts will vacate your brain with the unrelenting desire to scratch the eyes out of your troubling raisins that fill your mind with that desire to stop the gnawing sensation of missing the point. 

Just saying Sir Galahad. The other Knights are dreaming of the days. Good luck though, in all your dreams.

don't forget the taint.

(02-25-2020, 06:25 PM)Donovan Wrote: Don't get me wrong, I'm still an asshole and probably will be again. It's a safe bet. And I wasn't halfass fishing for anyone to soothe my ruffled feathers or tell me I didnt hurt them, especially not here. I know all of you bunch of tough dames can take the heat. It's part of the reason I love Mock (and yes I am making a concerted effort to be around more. Goddamn politics ate my life).

But I am a firm believer in the power of self reflection as well as the power of spoken and written language. I've had some nasty throw downs over people pretending their online antics "don't count" or that certain boundaries didn't exist on the inta net. And when the #metoo stuff started to come out, a lot of it hit close to home. A little too much for my comfort. I ain't saying I have run around in a trenchcoat flashing little old ladies (but I will consider it if the price is right). But there are conversations here and elsewhere I'd kinda like to have back, moments I'm not real proud of. So I thought I'd just air it out here rather than, you know, in my head at three in the morning when I can't sleep.

Understood.

You threw out some honest self-reflection and got an honest (not sympathetic) response from me in return.  I meant what I said.

Anyway, don't worry.  I doubt anyone here expects that just because you're big enough to make efforts towards not being a hypocrite in general and a dick to women specifically.......that you're suddenly gonna stop being a humble-bragging, mansplaining, sardonic asshole.

The classic humble brag. Get over yourself already. I've come across some nasty people in life, you're not one of them.

You are a jackass though.

What they all said.

bet that went a smidge different than you anticipated.

(02-26-2020, 12:47 AM)sally Wrote: The classic humble brag. Get over yourself already. I've come across some nasty people in life, you're not one of them.

Aw, Sally,  it's clear that he needs his ego stoked.   Now get your ass in the kitchen and make him a sammich.     

Gawds, I miss Tiki and Cracker

when things get so pc the tango between the sexes is frowned upon it's really sad. the great spaghetti monster created us to procreate and at all costs to continue our dna lineage. a shy smile, wink, nudge or god forbid a hug or kiss can make my day. 


if its from a female that's even better.

I've rarely had a bad experience with men who have come on to me. I don't much mind men saying things to me. I once had a guy wag his tongue at me and it made me laugh. I'm warped that way. The worst time was having the father of a friend try to touch me and hold me close. That sucked, it affected our friendship because I never wanted to go in her house again after that but in general, most guys have been decent.

me need hug

(02-26-2020, 02:01 PM)BigMark Wrote: me need hug