I KNOW this is lame, I'm not oblivious -- I need someone to tell me exactly what to get. I've looked at 100's, literally, of charcuterie boards and for the life of me I can't decide what to get. I'm rarely indecisive so I don't know what's up with that. I know I need cheese, but what kind? Same goes for crackers. Ugh. I'm at a loss and I really want to do this. I'm frustrated. So fuckin' lame. 

You have to have at least three kinds of cheese and three kinds of crackers, olives, baby carrots, dips.

(12-06-2021, 05:49 PM)Duchess Wrote: I KNOW this is lame, I'm not oblivious -- I need someone to tell me exactly what to get. I've looked at 100's, literally, of charcuterie boards and for the life of me I can't decide what to get. I'm rarely indecisive so I don't know what's up with that. I know I need cheese, but what kind? Same goes for crackers. Ugh. I'm at a loss and I really want to do this. I'm frustrated. So fuckin' lame. 

Brie, gouda, goat cheese is good if you want to get fancy. Or cheddar, pepper jack, american cheese if you not so fancy.

---

take your pick

Hickory Farms

(12-06-2021, 06:01 PM)BigMark Wrote: You have to have at least three kinds of cheese and three kinds of crackers, olives, baby carrots, dips.

Forget the crackers and carrots. You need celery, broccoli, and pepperoni.

Just go to the cheese case, close your eyes, pick the shit and make it look nice. Same with the meats. It will be fine. Crackers always seem ghetto to me so you'll want to go to a bakery and get some nice crusty bread. If you really want to do it up toast the bread, rub with a fresh tomato, drizzle with good olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt and fresh cracked pepper.. Also make sure you have some good honey, mustard and Marcona almonds on the side. Easy peasy.

You need some fresh fruit on there too. Pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, and honeydew melon.

(12-06-2021, 11:17 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: You need some fresh  fruit on there too. Pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, and honeydew melon.

That's a cheese platter fuck face, not a charcuterie.Charcuterie has a selection of meats, some optional cheese, almonds or other nuts (not yours) honey and bread or crackers.

Not that you're a fuck face, Clanger. It was just a fun thing to say. And you really should just shut your fat face.

(12-06-2021, 11:58 PM)sally Wrote: Not that you're a fuck face, Clanger. It was just a fun thing to say. And you really should just shut your fat face.

Well la dee da Miss Fancy Cunt. 

*flips sally the pinky finger*

(12-06-2021, 11:32 PM)sally Wrote:

(12-06-2021, 11:17 PM)Clang McFly Wrote: You need some fresh  fruit on there too. Pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, and honeydew melon.

That's a cheese platter fuck face, not a charcuterie.Charcuterie has a selection of meats, some optional cheese, almonds or other nuts (not yours) honey and bread or crackers.

Well la dee da....my toilet bowl has pieces of shit with corn and nuts in in it...it's a charshittery bored.

  

(12-07-2021, 02:29 PM)Duchess Wrote:   

Bend over! 

(12-07-2021, 05:40 PM)Duchess Wrote: Bend over! 

Mike Hunt!

I think its nice to incude some berries and fruits on the board, but not pineapple-wtf?!

Since this thread has gone to shit, is it OK if I drop a DrUMPf? 

(12-08-2021, 01:27 AM)MirahM Wrote: I think its nice to incude some berries and fruits on the board, but not pineapple-wtf?!

Why pineapple get all the hate? People don't even like it on a pizza. Is it because an annoying yellow sponge lives in a pineapple under the sea? Or is just people think pineapples are too sweet?

Pineapples are like people sweet and tasty in the middle but prickly and rough on the outside. Hard to get into the sweet and tasty part.

Fuck the charcuterie board, let's have some Hawaiian pizza. But only if it's fresh pineapple, not the canned shit.