i really hate Sundays

[Cracker]

Gawd..these folks all but took out the snakes to handle. There was speaking in tongues, writhing on the floor. I could not get out of there fast enough.

Crazy charismatic Pentecostals. Those kind of churches scare the piss out of me. Christians are NOT created equal.

I always wondered what they say to coverup the lack of a full recovery when they do their fake healing crap.

Christ..it scared the piss out of me. My husband asked me later WTF were you thinking going to a Pentecostal church. Guess I was just having a brain fart.

Cracker's List of Churches to Avoid:

Pentecostal
Foursquare
Evangelical
Charismatic
Ecumenists
Apostolic
Trinitarian
Life
Ministries of all kinds
Anything with Jesus Christ in the name
Anything with Word in the name
Anything with Birth in the name
Christian Fellowship
Church of God, Christ, The Lamb, Revelation, Prophecy, Deliverance, Jubilee, Faith, Covenant, Divine, Inspiration, Intervention, God's Promise, New Land, Renewal, Revival, Restoration, Witness, Outreach, Truth, Triumphant, Gospel, Fellowship, Mountain, River, or Branch
Any foreign name
Christian Center
Worship Center
Dove (any animal, think about it)
Lighthouse
The Army of God Spiritual Warfare Church
Nondenominational (make up your damn mind)

Like mayonnaise, stick with name-brand churches:

Catholic
Saint Somebody You Have Heard of Before
Presbyterian
Methodist
United Methodist (if you are OK with gay)
First Baptist (the other numbers are usually the crazy fucks)
Eastern Religions (unless they want you to cut your hair)
Lutheran (they drink, I think, Catholic Lite like Methodists)


Print this out and put it on the fridge.