Two firsts

[Clang McFly]

Not what you said the other day. You were fondling yourself in front of a black dude.
Maybe you want to reframe it or re-imagine it?
You want to be a woman? So follow the logic. If you become a woman lesbians will be attracted to you? Nope. They are attracted to biological woman. There may a small subset of gay men. Maybe a larger subset of other M2F.
Psychological help is what is needed. It will help dodge that 40% suicide attempt rate in people with Body Dysmorphia

I was fondling my nipples. That is not jerking off, unless you think I'm a human-cow hybrid and I have udders.