Todays morning idiot thread

[Maggot]

I had some customer call me thinking I was another supply house, called me by the other guys name asking for pricing on some stuff. I gave him a very high price and when he balked I told him to call the other assholes (me) if they wanted better pricing because they (me) was always lower.
He called us and I had someone else answer, he gave the guy a 65% markup from cost and the idiot was thrilled.

[Midwest Spy]

That's ^ great!

[username]

Hahahaha! That's awesome. If only you could get all their calls forwarded to you.

[Carsman]

I had some customer call me thinking I was another supply house, called me by the other guys name asking for pricing on some stuff. I gave him a very high price and when he balked I told him to call the other assholes (me) if they wanted better pricing because they (me) was always lower.
He called us and I had someone else answer, he gave the guy a 65% markup from cost and the idiot was thrilled.

Damn it I made a mistake, cancel my order!

[sally]

This is more of a morning asshole. One of our laborers accidentally gave the homeowner the wrong invoice the other day, understandable mistake since he just worked in the hot sun for 12 hours. It was $100 less than her contract and she gave him a check for it. I noticed it so I sent her another invoice with the original contract amount and the due balance of $100 along with a stamped envelope. She calls me this morning and says she doesn't agree with that because when the worker handed her the invoice he told her it was that amount. I told her that was because he gave you the wrong invoice which you have in your hands and can clearly see it's not yours. That's someone else's address.

So now the crazy bitch is still arguing with me over it so I asked her what if he accidentally gave you an invoice that was $100 over your contract, would you have agreed with it then. Fuck no you wouldn't so pay me my 100 bucks before I throw a fucking brick through your window. I didn't say the brick part, but that's what I thought.

[Maggot]

I'm glad I only get the occasional homeowner, they are a pain in the ass. Thats why I whack-em right away because I just know they will bitch about something. They want a lexus for the price of a kia.
When I did roofing or siding I would save one stupid thing like a piece of sill trim or j-channel in some out of the way place to be finished when I got the final payment, then go in after the check cleared and say something like "Oh, one more thing I need to touch up" It gave them the feeling of honesty on my part and protected me from their stupidness.

[sally]

Homeowners are the worst, I'd much rather do commercial. We get like one normal person out of five. Pain in the ass motherfuckers.

[sally]

I have another guy that won't pay because he says they poked a hole in his screen enclosure with something. So the sales guy goes out there to look at it and the guy already has like 20 holes in his screen and one that the dog uses to go in and out .

[Jimbone]

I have another guy that won't pay because he says they poked a hole in his screen enclosure with something. So the sales guy goes out there to look at it and the guy already has like 20 holes in his screen and one that the dog uses to go in and out .

Fuck you! You put those holes in my screen and that isn't even my dog! I'm not paying a god damned red cent until you fix it all bitches!

[sally]

Then there are the cigarette butt people. All construction workers throw their cigarette butts in the homeowners yards no matter how many times you tell them not to do it. That's just what they do, I've had them do it at my own house when work was being done. Like a normal person I paid them and just picked the cigarette butts up after they left, but not the cigarette butt people.....

Cigarette butt lady: Hi, I was just calling to inquire if it's common practice for your employees to litter the customer's yards with cigarettes.

Me: No of course not, is there some kind of problem.

Cigarette butt lady: Well yes there is, your employees threw cigarette butts in my rose bushes and instead of picking them up myself I decided to call you and make you apologize like a dog because I have nothing better to do with my life and it makes me feel good. I don't feel that I should pay the check until the mess is cleaned up. My lawn man also found aluminum scraps in the yard and said someone could have ripped their foot off.

Me: I'm sorry, I'll get someone out there. What is the address.

Cigarette butt lady: I live 80 miles away from your central location. And nothing makes me happier than to know that you won't make a profit on my job after I made your workers ( fucking incompetent retards) change things around that weren't on the contract and then had them change it back because I didn't like how it looked and then had them come back to pick up 5 cigarette butts.

[Maggot]

Signed change orders are a wonderful thing.

[HairOfTheDog]

They want a lexus for the price of a kia.

I hear that.

My client base is primarily 85 yr old + homeowners who need help (but resent that they need help) and compare everything to depression era prices.

I apologize for nothing a whole lot.

When we first start a new client assignment, about half of them leave 5 or 10 dollar bills under the bed or laying on dressers to test the caregivers. The caregivers are wise to it and always hand them the money and tell them to be careful leaving it laying around, then report it to the office so we have a record.

But, sometimes if the client gets mad at a caregiver, I'll get a call that something is missing and then have to investigate and figure out if something really is missing or it's just a way to get the caregiver in trouble or get a new one assigned, without having to complain. "I don't wanna complain or anything, dear, BUT"... hear that quite a bit too.

I feel like Ms. 'effin Marple some days trying to solve the mystery of the (allegedly) purloined tasseled loafers.

Ah well, I truly like almost all of the old bats and bastards though and most days the client management is less of a headache than employee management. Plus, I rarely encounter idiots on either side, so it could be much worse...

[crash]

I only deal with corporates. Corporates with people that I know or are referrals.. Nothing worse than having some pissant tell me they know everything about my job but they called me anyway. I work on a 7 day invoice and a report turn around of 7-10 days for new customers.

I hate dealing with fucktards. I hate dealing with fucktards and not getting paid worse..

[Maggot]

Todays morning idiots:
2 mouthy women.
One was just just sitting at my desk checking my billing statements from last month and the ups girl walks in and for ¹⁄₂ an hour they were just yippety yapping up a storm. I kept turning my radio up until it was blasting and one looks at me and says "why is that so loud" I says oops only because if I said "because you two yappers are driving me nuts with your incessant useless yapping" they would use it against me when I needed something. Bla,bla,bla,bla.....damn.

[HairOfTheDog]

Today's morning idiot:
1 drunk 70ish man/kid

Yesterday, I'm tied to the phone all day and night - tough situation at a client's house, valid calls from the caregiver - no problem. The caregiver hasn't gotten any of the required sleep time and it's a few blocks away from my house. So, I go to relieve her at midnight - for a few hours til the back up can arrive.

The client is finally resting after a rough day at about 1:30 a.m. when her son decides to pay a visit. He needs to talk to her.

He's loud and drunk and stumbling. I ask him if he can wait til his mom wakes up because she's not rested well in a couple of days and suggest that he crash for a bit on the couch (because he's too drunk to drive the mile or so to his own house). He agrees, but then finds a bottle of wine in the fridge, keeps drinking, and proceeds to trap me in the kitchen for an hour telling me - in great detail - about the assholes at the transit authority who fired him like 15 years ago (that's what he wanted to talk to his mom about).

The back up arrives and I can't leave him there for her to try to work around, so I drive the idiot home in his car and freeze my ass off walking a mile back to my house at 3:00 a.m.

Kids!

[Maggot]

I would have kept the keys and driven myself home, then in the morning drive the car to his mothers house and had the caregiver give me a ride home or just walk back home. But not before turning everything on in the car and greasing the steering wheel with vaseline. Maybe drop a few drips of good perfume on the seats and maybe buy a few cheap feeder mice from a pet store to let loose in the car.
Maybe put them in the glovebox.

[Blindgreed1]

I would have kept the keys and driven myself home, then in the morning drive the car to his mothers house and had the caregiver give me a ride home or just walk back home. But not before turning everything on in the car and greasing the steering wheel with vaseline. Maybe drop a few drips of good perfume on the seats and maybe buy a few cheap feeder mice from a pet store to let loose in the car.
Maybe put them in the glovebox.

I like the way Maggot thinks, only I'd leave the mice to hide wherever they wanted to so's he could see something moving out of the corner of his eye while driving.

[HairOfTheDog]

I would have kept the keys and driven myself home, then in the morning drive the car to his mothers house and had the caregiver give me a ride home or just walk back home. But not before turning everything on in the car and greasing the steering wheel with vaseline. Maybe drop a few drips of good perfume on the seats and maybe buy a few cheap feeder mice from a pet store to let loose in the car.
Maybe put them in the glovebox.

Yeah, I actually considered it. But, I've met him once before; he wasn't dumb when he wasn't drunk.

So, you just know he would have suspected the old "feeder mice in the glovebox" routine and duct-taped it shut as soon as he sobered up, then jumped behind the nicely lubed wheel for a slick aromatic drive around the city, and tossed the asphyxiated little feeder carcasses out the window and onto my front steps to rot...laughing all the way.

Figured, why reward the old idiot for bad behavior? and opted for the freezing walk and bitching about it here instead.

Having since taken a long nap, and looking back on it now, I wonder if I made the right choice.

[HairOfTheDog]

I like the way Maggot thinks, only I'd leave the mice to hide wherever they wanted to so's he could see something moving out of the corner of his eye while driving.

Another warped mind at work!

I like it, in theory.

BUT, in reality, he probably couldn't keep his eyes off the mice and on the road and would wind up hitting a fire hydrant or some such shit (and then telling his mom on me).

Risky business.

[Maggot]

Doesn't everyone have mice in their truck?