THE PERVERT THREAD

[HairOfTheDog]

Don't get excited, MS, it's not a tribute thread for you.

It's a spot for "perverts in the news".

SAY CHEESE

The "Swiss Cheese Pervert" who allegedly terrorized residents of Mayfair, Penn. with cheese-themed sexual requests earlier this month, has been apprehended, police say. (HOTD: "terrorized", haha - a little dramatic license there.)



Christopher Pagano (pictured above), 41, was collared Thursday, suspected of driving around Mayfair and the surrounding area, exposing himself to various women and offering them money "to watch him put swiss cheese on his privates."

Police say Chris Pagano was taken into custody by officers with Philadelphia’s Special Victims Unit at his home in Norristown.

Pagano denied the allegations, stating, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sometimes people confuse me with someone else."

Police sources tell the station Pagano is expected to face charges of indecent exposure, stalking and harassment.

Refs:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/16...od&ir=Food
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/suspected-sw...nsylvania/

[Duchess]

Don't get excited, MS, it's not a tribute thread for you.

I thought it was!

[Maggot]

I wonder if it was imported or domestic.

[Midwest Spy]

Don't get excited, MS, it's not a tribute thread for you.

I thought it was!

The thing is, in real life women see me as a smart, funny guy, who happens to be cute too.

I've known this woman for a few months now. She just turned 41 and has a killer body.

I probably shouldn't have made a comment about her breasts, but I did. I also didn't haphazardly do it as far as wondering about HR implications. I've always been nice (professional) to her and she quite frankly has had no problem being around me.

Bottom line: I was wondering what would happen if I talked about her breasts and I got my answer.

Now, I kind of want it forgotten and move on.

[HairOfTheDog]

I wonder if it was imported or domestic.

Can't tell from the coverage; there are some holes in it.

[HairOfTheDog]

Now, I kind of want it forgotten and move on.

I think you're on the right track to achieving that goal by bragging about it and then continuing to expand on the story in order to rationalize what went down.

But, hey, what's an irresistible stud like you gonna do, right?

[Duchess]

I think her boldness may have scared the stuffin' out of him.

[Midwest Spy]

Now, I kind of want it forgotten and move on.

I think you're on the right track to achieving that goal by bragging about it and then continuing to expand on the story in order to rationalize what went down.

But, hey, what's an irresistible stud like you gonna do, right?

I've talked here about it, but it's not something I'm bringing up at work.

Irresistible stud?

I like that.

[Midwest Spy]

I think her boldness may have scared the stuffin' out of him.

You're right.

A little complimentary banter turned into 'here's my tits'.

I don't really want to know what the next step is.

I'm keeping my distance.

[HairOfTheDog]

I've talked here about it, but it's not something I'm bringing up at work.

Irresistible stud?

I like that.

I see.

You want her to forget about it, while you revel in what happened with her at work here at Mock.

It makes MS-sense, you big stud.

[Midwest Spy]

I've talked here about it, but it's not something I'm bringing up at work.

Irresistible stud?

I like that.

I see.

You want her to forget about it, while you revel in what happened with her at work here at Mock.

It makes MS-sense, you big stud.

Who has a nude selfie of themselves handy like that anyway?

Someone that does a little sexting I'm guessing.

I'm outta my league and yes, I'd like her to forget it happened.

[Duchess]

I'm outta my league and yes, I'd like her to forget it happened.

It's kinda funny to see you uncomfortable where boobies are concerned.

[Duchess]

Matter of fact, I think you should spill the beans to your wife. She knows how you can be in regards to hooters so just tell her you made a wisecrack and this bitch whipped out her phone and put her luscious breasts right in your face.

[HairOfTheDog]

A LITTLE SMOKE...A LITTLE STROKE...

Embarrassing new details have emerged about New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr.’s Nov. 19 arrest for synthetic marijuana possession in East Hanover, N.J.



On the night of the arrest, a witness recalls seeing Winslow, 30, masturbating in his car with his window open outside of a local Target store, as reported by the Newark Star-Ledger.

“As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was,” the police report said, according to the Star-Ledger. “As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males (sic) erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. (The woman) provided a written statement regarding her account.”

Winslow pleaded guilty last week to possession of a controlled dangerous substance. The tight end did not, however, face any lewdness charges.

The Jets released a statement on Jan. 9: “We are aware of the situation. This is a pending legal matter and we will have no further comment.”

The police report stated Winslow was wearing clothes but was “slouched in his seat and moving around” and had “two open containers of Vaseline on his center console” when officers got to the scene, according to the Star-Ledger. He explained to police he was trying to find a Boston Market restaurant, the paper reported.

After Winslow consented to a search of his vehicle, the Star-Ledger reported officers finding containers of synthetic marijuana labeled “Funky Monkey” and “Mr. Happy.”

Winslow served a four-game suspension for violating the NFL’s performance-enhancing drug policy earlier in the season. He will be an unrestricted free agent this off-season.

Ref:
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-foot...arking-lot

[Cynical Ninja]

Don't get excited, MS, it's not a tribute thread for you.

I thought it was!

I thought it was just going to be a copy of midwests memoirs.

[Cynical Ninja]

Irresistible stud?

I like that.

Yes of course you do, she's buttering your muffin just like the “hawt” hairdresser you mentioned.

And stud? I've seen bigger studs on the soles of soccer boots.

From now on I'm going to refer to you as Zoolander.

[HairOfTheDog]

Happy Valentines Day! Ummm...I only cheated on you with that bitch once!


A Staffordshire Bull Terrier (not the same one who was the victim in this case)

A girl was looking through her 19-year-old boyfriend's old phone for some photos when she spotted the sick footage of him having full intercourse with her dog. (HOTD: damn, that would be one weird surprise finding.)

She gave police the phone video and her boyfriend, Wayne Bryson, was arrested the same day. In interview, he was unable to given any reason for his actions but told officers he only had sex with the animal once.

On Wednesday, Bryson appeared at Skegness Magistrates Court where he admitted having sex with the dog and another charge of possessing 315 grammes of cannabis. Magistrates granted Bryson, from Louth, Lincs., bail on the condition he is never alone with any animal until his sentencing on March 5.

The maximum sentence for the offence is two years imprisonment.

[Duchess]

Bastard.

[aussiefriend]

in real life women see me as a smart, funny guy, who happens to be cute too.

Yes well, we only have your word for that now don't we. People might perceive you completely differently and you don't even realise it. I try and keep it real here in Mock, that way people can rely on me in what I am saying is true.

[crash]

I bet, in real life, that girl saw that guy that fucked that dog as smart, funny and cute too...right up until she found the pictures