Ideal Marriage circa 1926 Mock book club discussion

[Donovan]

This thread is for sharing the gems discovered in the book Ideal Marriage: its Physiology and Technique, written in 1926 by doctor Th. H. Van de Velde, who was the head of the Gynecological Institute at Haarlem (Netherlands, not NY).

Having only just flipped through it, I will say that it is a fascinating mix of absolute genius and amusingly dated misogyny. There is a LOT of focus on sex and the psychology/physiology of same.

Caveat: anything I post here is for provocation only, in the sense that it will be something I found interesting enough to share and discuss. It is in no way meant to reflect personal views unless I say so.

Interesting notes:
Apparently this book was fucking HUGE back in the day, blockbuster style sales both in Europe and the States. Also banned by the Catholic church and considered pornographic by conservative secular leaders, unsuitable for anyone outside the medical profession. Also, the book is considered the first genuine "self-help" relationships book, so it essentially fathered (mothered?) the entire industry of Chicken-soup and Talk shows we currently inhabit. The copy I have from 1932 is the 42^nd full printing of 46. Something like half a million copies sold.

I did a quick check online for readable copies, didn't find it at project gutenberg but it is available for purchase and most libraries appear to have it also. That's if anybody wants to read along. If I find a good free link I'll post it.

[Duchess]

This should be interesting and very funny. Bring it on.

[Love Child]

I would laugh if this book is in the library here. If I can find it, I would be up for discussion.

[Duchess]

I did a search for it in mine and it's not there. I would have put a reserve on it and it picked it up today.

[Donovan]

got sidetracked today but looking at it tonight. I'm surprised no libraries have it where you are, maybe it's too risque.

[Duchess]

I found this book on Amazon, it's $80.00.

I was reading some of the reviews and one person posted, "this book was written in 1929 and it's as up to date today as it was when it first came out". That made me laugh. Another person said they gave it as a wedding gift.

[Donovan]

It's a weird mix of real wisdom and foolish dated concepts. Just when you think the guy is onto something, he cuts back into cro magnon manworld.

[Maggot]

I'm not getting educated in 1926 sex advise like I was told at the door, I want my condom back, that is if you're done with it. They were reusable back then............right? Hey B.H.

[blueberryhill]

I'm not getting educated in 1926 sex advise like I was told at the door, I want my condom back, that is if you're done with it. They were reusable back then............right? Hey B.H.

Well, as a matter of fact they were, you just had to make the pesky trip through the weeds, poison ivy, cow manure, etc. on the trek to the river. Just wash inside out and scrub exactly 2 minutes and you are done. Good for another go around. Always check for leaks and use duct tape where appropriate!

Maybe if you guys quit reading sex books written in 1926, you would be a little more sexually exciting!

[Duchess]

Maybe if you guys quit reading sex books written in 1926, you would be a little more sexually exciting!

[aussiefriend]

It doesn't matter, no one is having sex with them anyway.

[HairOfTheDog]

I think Donovan's book choice is a practical one.

He's said a few times that he's attracted to cougars.

As a middle aged man, he would probably still qualify as a cub to women 90+ years old. And, with his new found understanding of the way things were back in the age of their sexual awakening, he could have them dropping their Depends and support-stockings in no time.

[aussiefriend]

HoTD you are hilarious. I am laughing here in Oz, Dono a cub.

[Love Child]

Dono, the book is not here. But in the process of looking for that book I found "Let the Northern Lights Erase Your Name" Vendela Vida
It is really light reading, which I need after a day in this place. But I will look again for the Ideal Marriage book. I thought for sure it would be here!

[crash]

I'm not getting educated in 1926 sex advise like I was told at the door, I want my condom back, that is if you're done with it. They were reusable back then............right? Hey B.H.

Well, as a matter of fact they were, you just had to make the pesky trip through the weeds, poison ivy, cow manure, etc. on the trek to the river. Just wash inside out and scrub exactly 2 minutes and you are done. Good for another go around. Always check for leaks and use duct tape where appropriate!

Maybe if you guys quit reading sex books written in 1926, you would be a little more sexually exciting!

My grandpa used to say something about re-useable condoms, but his story went something like you just turn them inside out and shake the fuck out of them..

[Cutz]

This place would be a lot cooler in 1926.

At least the broads would be hysterical.

[HairOfTheDog]

You need to read up on your history Cutz.

These broads wouldn't have been at this place or on any internet board back in the roaring twenties.

We would have been busy brewing up our own booze in the basement, celebrating our rights to vote, and flapping at jazz clubs while our husbands sat at home reading Ideal Marriage.

[Duchess]

Society would have been scandalized at our independence and the men in our lives who appreciated our nature would have been asked time & again why they couldn't control us.

[Donovan]

I got distracted, sorry. I'll have to pick my game up.

Meanwhile, I got another question for the people here. I went on a date today with a woman my age after meeting online at your standard local dating site. Hit it off well, lots in common, talked each others' ears off all afternoon, had a good time. Then a hug and a kiss good night, and...nothing. No spark. No surge. No feeling at all.

So now I'm wondering where to go from here. If this were a hypothetical situation, or even a real one you've experienced, do you nip a potentially rewarding friendship in the bud because no sexual charge? Do you play along for a while hoping to kindle something and in the meantime enjoy company of somebody pleasant?

[Donovan]

The other side of that coin: a week or two ago I met a different woman at work who works for a different agency. Younger than me by a sizable amount but not obscene. I think early 30's so a decade give or take. Not a classic stunning beauty, not really anything special to look at vis. body, sex appeal etc. Almost a little plain in classic definition. We have exchanged no flirty talk or anything but a couple instances of strictly work related small talk.

BUT

the first time I saw her she sucked the wind right out of me. Literal lightning bolt of animal attraction. Never felt that before. It was fucking weird but not unpleasant, and mystified me more than anything.

So the question is, what is the path to take, in a hypothetical? Do you trust the obvious surface common interests and build a safe relationship with no passion? Or go with the animal reaction?