Peace and Non Violent communication

[Love Child]

I have met a couple of people on my journies recently that are advocates of non-violent communication.
I must admit I wasn't open to listening to what they had to say at first, could be something to do with the messenger, but when I finally let go of all judgements I really began listening.
Also, I had a recent time out of the place I live to spend with family and one of the times did not turn out very pleasant. It ended with someone throwing something and raising their voice in anger. This is the way I grew up, this is what I know, and this was my normal. I spoke out against that person and was chastised for it-I was even blamed for causing this person to become angry enough to throw something!
I have reconciled for the most part with this family member, but now I am back to just keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace.
My ears are wide open now.
Violence does not have to be the normal. Violence does not have to be the answer.
I was closed off to this possibility before, but I am going to read this book by Marshall B Rosenberg.

My co-worker has talked about these nonviolent communication trainings she has gone to, I am going to look them up. I am really interested in this.

[SIXFOOTERsez]

Sounds like you have assholes around you. You are not responsible for other people not being able to manage ther assholiness.
I have no idea what non violent communication is, I think I know what Violent Communication is, I am pretty sure I can ID violence whatever form it takes.
Violence is not the norm, but its getting to be that way...

[Maggot]

I like non violent conversation. I can piss off the most calm person in the world with non violent talk if they piss me off. It may not be today.

[Love Child]

Well I would hope that pissing someone off is not the goal, yet I get what you are saying. For some reason people want a reaction and when they don't get it, they get mad.

@sixfooter they do sound like assholes, and they are my family. For whatever reason they have never learned to get their needs met without throwing a fit, or how to communicate using words. I am thankful that I have been able to remove myself from these situations so that I have been able to see another way of communicating and geting ones needs met without being the asshole.

[Love Child]

I just received a thank you not from someone thanking me for watching her place while she was gone. There was something strange about the note. It was as if it was thanking me for being how she wants me to be, not how I was or am.
Its like if your husband or wife or kids takes out the trash one day and then you leave them a note saying, "Thank you for so consistently taking care of the trash, every day, and the way that you care so consistently with those around you" and she underlined "consistently" And then also said, "I will miss your consistent friendship when I leave" and underlined consistent again.

It is as if she is thanking me for being aloof consistently or being a bitch consistently, either way it was the strangest thank you note I have received for watching someone's fish.

Yes, I could be reading more into it, this person just strikes me as something going on with her.

[Duchess]

Maybe she appreciates that you are consistent. In that I mean, some people run hot & cold and one never knows what to expect from them. Those people are not fun at all because you can never relax around them.

[Donovan]

Could be someone else in her life is proving very unreliable and it's bubbling up in her communication. Could also be that consistency and reliability are very key attributes to her. Is she leaving ssoon, or forever? Maybe she is looking for an affirmation your friendship will continue in some fashion when she goes.

Or it could be her way of saying goodbye and letting you know what she appreciated about you during your association. It does have an air of closure about it.

[Donovan]

In answer to your original post: a very large part of what broke my relationship up was the concept of nonviolent communication. I can't take screaming matches or fighting due to how I grew up. Nothing makes me shut down and withdraw emotion more quickly than people screaming at me. My ex, on the other hand, lived through about 20 years of abusive, violent relationships and came away with the idea that that is normal, so that's what she does and she has learned well. She practiced every form of abusive behavior, classic textbook stuff, and when the expected result didn't happen (me getting loud or violent) she wasn't able to process.
Nonviolent communication does work, it's the keystone of my entire career. With your family member who engages violently and the rest who victim blame you, remaining silent is probably not your best option. You can and should stand your ground on the issues important to you, but the key is refusing to engage in the person's attempt to derail you. Know your message and repeat it every time they try to scream, shout, or otherwise distract. "I do not choose to entertain your behavior. It isn't healthy and I don't enjoy it." If that becomes your standard answer for EVERY outburst, eventually they'll stop coming because the person isn't getting his emotional charge out of the outburst, at least with you. You might have to say it thirty times. But don't yell, change it up, engage his baiting or allow it to be derailed, and it will work.