Ole, Lena & Sven are fishing in Northern Wisconsin one summer. Sven accidentally drops his sunglasses in the water and decides to go in after them. After awhile, he fails to come up and Ole & Lena both remember Sven can't swim.
Ole goes in after him and after a bit, gets the body up into the boat. After starting mouth-to-mouth..Ole says "I don't recall Sven having breath this bad"...To which Lena replies.."I don't think he was wearing that snowmobile suit either
I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota
She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in
A young man from up North was driving thru a rather lonely stretch of the South when he had car trouble. He flagged down a car and they called a tow truck that towed him and his car to the nearest town, which was nothing more than a bar and a guy with a shop in his garage. While he was waiting for his car to be fixed, he went into the local bar. As soon as he stepped into the bar, the whole place went quiet and every face in the place turned toward him with less than friendly expressions. The bartender spit at his feet and asked what he wanted to drink.
"I'll have a white wine spritzer" he said.
The bartender slammed down a beer in a dirty glass, and said, "Yer not from around here, are you, boy?"
"No", he said, "I'm from Milwaukee."
The bartender said, " "And what do you do in this here Milwaukee place?"
The man said, "I'm a taxidermist."
With a sneer, the bartender said, "And what does a 'tax-ee-der-meest' do in this here Milwaukee place, boy?"
He said, "Well, I mount dead animals."
With a big smile, the bartender slaps the bar and shouts, "It's OK, boys. He's one of us"
So, Sven and Ole go out ice-fishin one day and Sven is havin a pretty good day, pullin the fish out a da water, one right after another. But Ole's just sitt'n there with his line in the water. And, Sven keeps pullin 'em in and Ole keeps sittin there, fishin out of the same hole, cathin nothing. Until finally, Ole's had enough and says to Sven, "Hey der, ah, what's yer secret der, Sven?" And Sven says, "Ym gm tm fff yrm wm wm." And Ole says, "Sorry?" And, Sven says, "Ym gm tm fff yrm wm wm." And, Ole says, "What's dat der, Sven, I can't quite make out what yer sayin." And, Sven says, "Ptui!", spitting something out, "Ya got ta keep yer worms warm."
(01-23-2011, 04:52 PM)Maggot Wrote: I remember when they found that baby grand piano in the middle of the woods 10 miles from any road or trail, and it still worked.
another wayward piano in Miami...on a sandbar! WTF hahaha
The Associated Press
MIAMI -- A grand piano recently showed up on a sandbar in Miami's Biscayne Bay, about 200 yards from condominiums on the shore.
The piano, which weighs at least 650 pounds, was placed at the highest spot along the sandbar so it doesn't get underwater during high tide.
While officials aren't sure how it got there, they know it won't be going anywhere unless it becomes a hazard to wildlife or boaters.
Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Jorge Pino says the agency is not responsible for moving such items. And, he adds, unless it becomes a navigational hazard, the U.S. Coast Guard won't get involved.
For now, the piano has become a fancy roost for seagulls.
edit to add: a 16-year-old boy has admitted he put it out there.
"It's in his best interest to drive the same boat that he drove out there before and load that damn thing onto his boat and bring it back to his garage."
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i love it! 
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