03-21-2012, 04:58 PM
Aries (March 21-April 19)
LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes, Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries...If you don't feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell Them. Be warned! IF you don't want to be kinky, don't be with an Aries. If you say 'No' too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
--Don't tease them. It will only piss them off. Taureans are realists. If you say that you are horny: Prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy indulgers, though. All forms of indulgence: Sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot get enough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex. What they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and endurance.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) --
Ever heard the saying "Been there. Done that?" chances are it came from a Gemini. They are always changing...they are the eternal Chameleon. You never who you are fucking that day.
They have had sex.
A lot of sex.
Probably because they are in a constant state of flux...always looking for the new high.
The biggest turn on for a Gemini is: LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) -- 69
This is the sign that needs to be cuddled. They may believe that they were born in the wrong period or century. They DWELL in the past...Victorian...Roman...Medieval...You name it.
They usually will only fuck at night...come to think of it...they fuck better at night anyway. Maybe its because they are ruled by the Moon. This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love...I mean REAL TRUE DEEP LOVE...that 'Romancing The Stone' Frikkin 'Wuthering Heights' kind of love.
Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)--
If we could put our pussy cat naked and jeweled in rubies on a dias in a museum...this would be their idea of heaven. Everyone admiring them: Hell, yeah! "WORSHIP ME." is their motto. If you fuck up just once with a Leo...That's IT. Don't be expecting them to take you back. They are not willing victims, after all, they CHOSE you...you screwed up? They can UN-Choose you just the same. They live for Menage a Trois...or Qua...or Cinco....anything in a group is okay as long as they are in the middle. Leos also like bubble baths. Once you start with a Leo...do not think you can just turn their emotions on or off like a switch...they demand satisfaction.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept. 22)--
This is the MOST confused sign on the planet. This sign is pretty realistic: No Frills. They love to fuck in showers not because it's kinky...but because of hygenic reasons...they are big into sanitary issues. Every Virgo I have ever met has issues...always going back to hygiene. They have to arrange time in their busy scheduals to have sex...But when a reservation is made...You had better be there on time, if not a little early. With flowers. And Clean.
Virgos want to make their partner happy. That's it. USUALLY. You will always get a freaky Virgo, but not often. Even so, they will TRY to get YOU to cum. And if they can't make you cum, they will buy someone or something that will.
Yes you read that right.
The sign of the virgin believes in prostitution.
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)--
Let the games begin! Libra will try anything once. Twice to make sure they liked it. Three times to be absolutely sure. Do not touch a Libra's head during oral sex...that may work with an Aries, but not here. Libras LOVE giving oral - They LOVE getting it , too. But don't feel like they get enough...too bad, because they sure as hell are getting enough of everything else. Libras are not only mental but emotional creatures. Can you cook a bag of peas in a pot of cold water? You won't be cooking anything with a cold LIbra either. That's the emotional side for you. But, beware, once your Libra is on fire, you will be consumed. Libra's believe in living and fulfilling fantasies that they haven't done in real life...which is rare because they have done almost EVERYTHING.
Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) --
HOLEE SHIT! here comes the masters and mistresses of FUCK!
Sorry Leo, but Scorps ARE the leaders in the Kink O Rama factor (Hey Lions, you are the kings and queens of everything ELSE...let it go...OMMMMMMMM)
Scorpios KNOW how to seduce.
They KNOW what is kinky.
They are highly manipulative.
They KNOW how to get you to do what THEY want.
They KNOW how to fuck.
And they are making room for modifications.
All they have to do is walk into a room and look at you, and you WILL be on your back assuming the position.
One Scorpio I knew used to shackle her lover to her dining room table and serve food around his naked . body for dinner parties. She would put the Dip right between his legs and tell everyone to try some.This is just an idea of Scorpio kink. She would punish him later if things went...er...awry.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) --
Right out the chute I am going to tell you...THEY LOVE TO BE SHAVED.
True love is being shaved.
Sagittarius love is being shaved by someone they love.
And they LOVE to travel.
They are constantly moving.
They are always packing and going somewhere. They are the outdoorsy type. Why fuck in a tent when you can be surrounded by Sequoias under a moonlit night and have sex? Sags will Fuck Everywhere! Most Sags flash body parts and are closet nudists. They will be the first to register for nude volleyball at the nudist resort. Don't get me wrong, they have a TON of provocative clothing at home, but they like to be naked. EVERYWHERE.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) --
Just as I was writing this one, my Capricorn friend proceeds to call me...Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea the fates smile on them from time to time...they just accept it an move on. You can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them. They are strong and responsible and have dignity. But they are too easy to turn on sometimes. And watch out when they are horny...whoever is in the room better have protection. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks. they like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Usually durinig commercial breaks is perfect. Its nothing for a Cappie to fuck seven or eight times during commercial breaks in an hour long T.V. Show. They like to do it in the shower...on the furniture...on other peoples furniture...on other peoples beds...Cars...Tents...boats....yep, if they are in the mood...it could be at the Presiden't inaugeration...get ready for some nookie!
They love to bite.
They might seem at first sight of them rather cold and insensitive.
But when they warm up?
There is no stopping them.
Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18) --
MY favorite sluts are Aquarius. Why? Because if you don't expect anything in return, you won't be disappointed. Sounds easy, huh? They will get under your skin though, so beware. It's easy to be hurt by an Aquarius because they don't want you to know what they are thinking. If they are silent but you are in the room with them...chances are they are in heavy thought. But don't worry, chances are they are thinking about you...and fifteen other things. Water bearers look at sex like it is a form of recess. They can turn you on by simply walking in the room. They are the Rain Man of the Zodiac.
Pisces (Feb. 19- Mar. 20) --
Get out the boots - Stilletto heels - foot creams and panty hose...here come da fishies!
They are the LEADERS in foot fetish. Masturbation in shoes? Okay. Toe masturbation...bring it on! They love using their feet.
Suck on a Pisceans toes and SEE what happens!
Fucking in the water and see them squirm.
Pisces have probably done it in a sex swing. Or at least considered how strong the ceiling beams are on their house to put one in. Pisces men break furniture when they fuck...things get flung everywhere.
Pisces can be turned on by the wierdest things.
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