Here I am, now entertain me

[LKTraz]

In all actuality my Alaskan friend,

That was precisely the right amount of information to bring me up to speed without rambling on about useless shit.

So if I understand you correctly, it's kinda like RR lite? Or maybe the fledgling days at CRF? If so......ahmo gunna like it here ::

Basically I can have intelligent convos but don't need to be afraid to assrape those who desperately need it or just spew shit if I think it will cause activity. Am I reading it correctly?

[LKTraz]

Well......as long as I'm supposed to be entertaining, I might as well go ahead with the Chili Cookoff:




Notes: From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from Western New York:


Recently Frank was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, mainly because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and Frank happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. He was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told him that he could have free beer during the tasting, so Frank accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.


Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.


Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.


Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. It burns so bad I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!









Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like $#!& to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it.
Poor Yankee.

FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable To report)

[Borndragon]

[user=177]LKTraz[/user] wrote:

In all actuality my Alaskan friend,

That was precisely the right amount of information to bring me up to speed without rambling on about useless shit.

So if I understand you correctly, it's kinda like RR lite?  Or maybe the fledgling days at CRF?  If so......ahmo gunna like it here ::

Basically I can have intelligent convos but don't need to be afraid to assrape those who desperately need it or just spew shit if I think it will cause activity.  Am I reading it correctly?

Exactly....except MF here, showing too much of his ass hurt feeling and gumming up the joint.


Appoint a new Mod of the initiation thread Frank, you're fuckin' it up.



And let this asshole in......::thumbs::

[LKTraz]

[user=177]LKTraz[/user] wrote:

In all actuality my Alaskan friend,

That was precisely the right amount of information to bring me up to speed without rambling on about useless shit.

So if I understand you correctly, it's kinda like RR lite? Or maybe the fledgling days at CRF? If so......ahmo gunna like it here ::

Basically I can have intelligent convos but don't need to be afraid to assrape those who desperately need it or just spew shit if I think it will cause activity. Am I reading it correctly?

Exactly....except MF here, showing too much of his ass hurt feeling and gumming up the joint.


Appoint a new Mod of the initiation thread Frank, you're fuckin' it up.



And let this asshole in......::thumbs::

Well cool deal then.

A vote of confidence from the Great white North eh? KTHX then Born.

[Middle Finger]

I did not start this site for the rougher members at 24. I started it with a few rougher members but our goal from the start was to diversify, and we did.

So FUCK OFF, Borndragon. I hate you more every week. Every day I don't visit this place is another good fucking day.

Don't make me all get nasty and say some real shit. I'm talking shit way past Ramsey's dysfunctional relationships.

LKTraz, I will transfer you to full access now.

[LKTraz]

I did not start this site for the rougher members at 24. I started it with a few rougher members but our goal from the start was to diversify, and we did.

So FUCK OFF, Borndragon. I hate you more every week. Every day I don't visit this place is another good fucking day.

Don't make me all get nasty and say some real shit. I'm talking shit way past Ramsey's dysfunctional relationships.

LKTraz, I will transfer you to full access now.

Thank you MF.

[LKTraz]

Must have cross posted on your edit about negative crap.

What negative crap? Ain't spewed any negative crap.....yet.

[The Antagonist]

Welcome to the fray.

[LKTraz]

TY Ant

[Borndragon]

[user=1]Middle Finger[/user] wrote:

So FUCK OFF, Borndragon.  I hate you more every week.  Every day I don't visit this place is another good fucking day.

You can't imagine how happy reading that makes me feel.....Another score for ol' Born.


Would you like for me to stop pickin' on you Frank?












Borndragon ~ Too fuckin' bad...

[Duchess]

Welcome to Mock, LKTraz. {said the spider to the fly}

[LKTraz]

Welcome to Mock, LKTraz. [color="gray"]{said the spider to the fly}[/color]

[color="red"]
Let the games begin![/color]

[Maggot]

Welcome to Mock, LKTraz. {said the spider to the fly}

Let the games begin!

Red Red this guy likes red it's just about time

To lock up this thread.

::

[Borndragon]

Not before I sneak in some Carly Zucker to scare off MF....









Borndragon ~ "God Damn is she fine".

[Maggot]

[D]

A shit connoisseur...Lovely.

He'll fit right in with the losers around here. Like that NaNo character, Liquid (aka Diarrhea), and Opie.

This coming from someone in MICHIGAN?????


Have you looked at Detroit lately? Fucking garden spot there sport! ::blink::

Detroit is the asshole of the universe, so what? I'm not from Detroit. I hate Detroit. And Flint. And even Lansing. Hell, I just hate cities period.

[LKTraz]

Well.....Grass Lake, Paw Paw, Sawyer and Coldwater ain't nuthin' to brag about either!

At least Jackson has "Uncle Teddy".

[D]

But don't forget, we have Paradise, and Hell!

[Borndragon]

[user=161]D[/user] wrote:

But don't forget, we have Paradise, and Hell!

And Eminem ::lmao::

[D]

[user=161]D[/user] wrote:

But don't forget, we have Paradise, and Hell!

And Eminem ::lmao::

Fuck Eminem.

But we do have Bob Seger, Jason Newsted, Ted Nugent, and several other GOOD musicians. Oh wait, that is a compliment to Eminem, calling that shit he does music.