Holiday Cooking

[Cracker]

Move into the homeless shelter and you can have one.

After seeing how much the house next door to me listed for this week, I just might if they have cable.

[sally]

and a few dozen for people I don't even know.

You don't know me. As long as they aren't goat tamales...

Move into the homeless shelter and you can have one.

Nice to see you're giving the homeless Listeria again this year.

[IMaDick]

and a few dozen for people I don't even know.

You don't know me. As long as they aren't goat tamales...

Move into the homeless shelter and you can have one.

Nice to see you're giving the homeless Listeria again this year.

Tamales would be botchulism. not listeria. They are made out of Pork.

[Lady Cop]

botchulism?

[IMaDick]

botchulism?

That' what showed up in the spell checker. I knew it didn't look right but who gives a fuck, I'm talking to retards who thought you got lysteria from pork.

Still sore about the Dusty Nipples stuff aren't you?

12 days of Christmas is coming, and Dusty Nipples will be a part of each day.

get over it.

[sally]

You can get listeria from pork and I doubt the poor bastards are debating it while they're shitting their brains out.

[IMaDick]

In the case of tamales it's botulism, and in the case of my tamales it's a non issue.

[Cracker]

Gonna post your recipe, Dick? I lurve tamales.

[sally]

Yeah, make yourself useful and post the fucking recipe already, but leave the dirt and meal bugs out.

[Cracker]

Dick puts weird shit in his food like "fertilized eggs." I bet he puts pig ears in his tamales.

[Lady Cop]

i need one of these 56 lb. turkeys! did they give it steroids? they say not. how long do you cook it? will it fit in an oven? how much stuffing?? nomatter how big a turkey i cook, i might get one lousy sandwich!





the jumbo Stag Turkey is 2ft wide and has been reared at Carr House Farm, in East Yorkshire.

[Duchess]

I guess Dick is preparing to cook that poor, unfortunate goat. *sigh*

Hey!...maybe he got too much snow & he can't dig a pit. I sure hope that goat didn't die in vain.

[Lady Cop]

hahaha old Julia Child programs are on my PBS all day, i am sure she's cooking a great Christmas dinner for the angels!

[Lady Cop]

oh Lord.
i just had a fabulous prime rib dinner, and in front of me is this chocolate bombe filled with chocolate mousse and covered in chocolate ganache. i can barely look at it.
it is the work of satan.
maybe later with a cuppa tea.

[QueenBee]

Speaking of goat....I was at Price Rite on Friday picking up some odds and ends for dinner, looking also for something unique for Friday dinner..they actually did have goat meat. Took a pass and bought a piece of lamb.

[Harvest Moon]

hahaha old Julia Child programs are on my PBS all day, i am sure she's cooking a great Christmas dinner for the angels!

Definitely, cooking dinner for the angels! I love Julia Child and actually had the honor of meeting her in the early 1990's.

[Lady Cop]

i'm going tomorrow and get a Carando spiral sliced ham and another fresh turkey. next week these items won't be so plentiful or on sale.

i LOVE these hams. next-day ham sandwiches and then homemade soup from the bone and scraps. YUM~

glazed


cold/unbaked


Carando Spiral Sliced Hams are fully cooked and are delicious served cold. If you would like to serve the ham warm and/or glazed, follow the directions below.
Warming the Ham:

1. Heat oven to 275° F.
2. Remove all packaging materials including the clear "button" on bone of ham.
3. Place ham in shallow roasting pan. Quarter and half hams should be cooked FLAT/FACE SIDE DOWN. Whole ham should be cooked FAT SIDE UP. Cover with aluminum foil.
4. Bake at 275° F for approximately 15 minutes per pound until heated through (see chart below). DO NOT OVERCOOK! If desired, glaze ham now following instructions below.
5. Remove ham from oven; let stand, covered, for 20 to 30 minutes before serving.
Ham Size Weight Approx Bake Time Servings
Quarter 3 to 4.5 lbs. 1 hour 6 to 8
Half 7 to 9 lbs. 2 hours 12 to 16
Whole 14 to 18 lbs. 3.5 hrs 24 to 32

Glazing the Ham:

1. Remove ham from oven and increase temperature to 425° F.
2. Brush or spoon prepared glaze over ham and between slices.
3. Bake, uncovered, at 425° F for 8 to 10 minutes.
Glaze Recipes
Carando Ham Glaze Mix. Substitute orange juice, cranberry juice or apple cider for water when preparing glaze.

Sweet Curry-Orange Glaze. Combine ²⁄₃ cup light corn syrup, 1 tablespoon curry powder and 1 tablespoon grated orange peel; mix until smooth.

Apricot Glaze. Combine 1 cup apricot preserves, ¹⁄₄ cup orange marmalade, 2 tablespoons orange juice, ¹⁄₂ teaspoon ground cinnamon and ¹⁄₄ teaspoon ground nutmeg; mix until smooth.

[kitty1]

We had Dearborn Ham. best I ever tasted!! Better than Honeybaked spiral ham.

[blueberryhill]

I would just like to know why none of you Mocker Fockers post in the Holiday thread.....Geez.......There was a little discussion about turkeys around Thanksgiving, but nuttin' now. Has anyone used the Bell seasoning? I would like to see something about cookies, candy and all of that Christmas shit. I don't cook anymore, but I look at recipes...I might even order a Dearborn Ham...there is really good stuff in here!

[Duchess]

I would just like to know why none of you Mocker Fockers post in the Holiday thread

I don't have anything wonderful to contribute. Cooking is a chore to me, like cleaning a bathroom or mopping floors but worse. I'd rather dig a ditch. Having said that, I am doing a holiday brunch which is stressin' me. I peruse websites & recipes all the while saying, fuck, fuckin' hell, what the fuck was I thinking. Stress brings out the fucks.