The Felony-Stupid Criminal File

[Lady Cop]

video of criminal masterminds--->

http://menmedia.co.uk/manchestereveningn...etaway-car



Shortlist.com

Greed + stupidity = disaster
Stealing £400 of alcohol from your local supermarket is a relatively ambitious plan. Okay so it's no Ocean's Eleven but it still requires a certain amount of planning and thought.

Not the case with this Mancunian pair. Rose Devlin, 59, and Denise Egan, 52, went on a Supermarket Sweep around their local ASDA, piling £400 worth of booze in their trolley.

But after they packed it all into the boot, they had trouble closing it. With some help, they were all set to go but after they started to drive away, they realised that they had run out of petrol so had to be pushed to the nearest gas station.

Oh and all of this was captured on CCTV. The word fail doesn't even come close.

They are currently being sentenced.

[Jezreel]

HAHAHAHAHAHA
I say them people up north are not the smartest that's for sure

[Harvest Moon]

LOL...They may need to win some kind of prize for the dumbest female criminals ever. I have heard of some more idiotic attempts at pulling off a crime, but they are usually males.

[Lady Cop]

reason #476 why i miss florida.


News 13
Diving naked into a lake is not the best way to avoid arrest for stealing a boat, but that’s just what Darrel Horne did in Pierson Friday afternoon.

Horne and his accomplice, Matthew Shrider, had taken a John Boat from a covered boat dock on Lake Botts, but could easily been seen from shore when Volusia County deputies responded to the scene. Shrider obeyed a deputy’s commands to return to shore, but Horne had other ideas.

A Sheriff’s Office helicopter and a Florida Fish and Wildlife boat were deployed to find Horne when no one had seen him make it to shore after his skinny dip. He was discovered in a heavily wooded area and finally apprehended. But Horne’s belligerence continued when he kicked Shrider several times while both men were in the back of a patrol car. Horne essentially dared deputies to use a Taser on him, taunting them with “Taser me. Taser me, Bro.” When he refused to comply with a deputy’s orders, he was Tasered. After calming down later, Horned apologized and even thanked deputies for Tasering him.

The pair’s adventure started at about 4 p.m. when they said that their truck ran out of gas as they were on their way to see a friend who lived on the other side of Lake Botts. They then decided to take the boat from the dock on Richardson Lane. However, there were no paddles, so the men found a piece of wood to use. A neighbor of the boat owner called the victim to report the theft he had just witnessed. He said he watched as the pair, one of whom was carrying an axe, walked to the dock and then paddled the boat into the lake. The boat owner then called the Sheriff’s Office.

When deputies arrived, they saw the stolen boat in the middle of the lake and ordered the men to return. Horne started to curse at the deputies and take off his clothes. He then dove in and swam in the opposite direction, cursing and making hand gestures as he went. Meanwhile, 27-year-old Shrider paddled the boat back to the dock. Found in the boat were the axe, a can of beer and a bottle of rum. Since it couldn’t be determined if Horne had made it to shore, additional resources were called in to search for him. The Florida Fish and Wildlife boat eventually transported the naked 28-year-old back to the dock.

The men were transported to the Sheriff’s Office’s Pierson office. Both men were charged with armed burglary, grand theft and resisting an officer without violence. They were booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona Beach.

[Lady Cop]

the really stupid sweathogs who stole a woman's Christmas decorations ($500. worth) and put them up in their yard A BLOCK AWAY! duh!

WSVN

The women are accused of stealing Christmas decorations from their neighbor's yard and putting them in a yard less than a block away.

Police in the Miami suburb of Sweetwater say about $500 of outdoor lawn ornaments were taken, including a Mickey Mouse on a horse, a pair of hugging penguins, a Snoopy on a doghouse and a Santa on a sled.

The victim called police Thursday after spotting the decorations on a lawn less than a block away.

Guadalupe Valdes, 18, and Yamill Sarabia, 32, were arrested in connection with the incident.

They are each out on a $5,000 bail bond but both face third degree charges of grand theft.

FAT STUPID TWATS

[Teacher]

I can see why they couldn't resist such tasteful, beautiful decorations.

[Lady Cop]

I can see why they couldn't resist such tasteful, beautiful decorations.

it's Miami. they're Cuban.

[Teacher]

Makes you wonder what Maytee's house looks like. By the way, it's not just in Miami. Right across the street is the most hideous thing you've ever seen - worse than Chevy Chase's home in that movie several years ago.

[Lady Cop]

Makes you wonder what Maytee's house looks like.

i would pay a wad of cash $$$ to see how the grave is decorated for Christmas. but she hasn't posted it. the tree in Rockefeller Center probably has nothing on that grave.
the cemetery let her keep it all there, it's become a tourist attraction and guidance for air traffic.

the other people with loved ones there are not happy.

[Teacher]

LC: guidance for air traffic.

That is so cruel but "cracks me up".

[Lady Cop]

FRAMED! I WAS FRAMED I TELL YOU! BY THE POLICE!

A motorist is threatening legal action after a cop camera apparently caught him speeding while cupping his female passenger's breast.

Businessman Deng Jialin was fined £20 for going 10mph over the 50mph. But, he says the image, which was published by local media after it was posted on the interwebs, has been tampered with and now he's readying his ample legal team (we're guessing he has a legal team, in truth we just wanted to use the word 'ample') to sue traffic cops, who he believes leaked the snap.

Incredibly it later emerged that the woman in the picture is not his wife but a local university student.

Deng said: "I was driving alone that day, and there was no one in my passenger seat," he insisted. Perhaps a little too much.

ShortList.com

[Duchess]

*snicker*

[Lady Cop]

another clever felon with (a) crack in his ass.


Orlando Sentinel
Police said a 27-year-old Orlando man tried to hide drugs inside a ChapStick tube inserted in a body cavity after he was arrested on a separate drug charge on Thursday night.

Byron L. Smith was riding his bicycle when officers stopped the convicted felon in the area of North Westmoreland Drive and West Colonial Drive about 9:37 p.m., according to documents released by Orlando police spokesman Sgt. Vincent Ogburn.

The documents said officers found 4.2 grams of marijuana on Smith and charged him with possession.

But during a strip search at the Orange County jail, a corrections officer discovered the tube of ChapStick filled with 0.1 grams of crack cocaine, police said.

Smith was charged with cocaine possession with intent to sell, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of introducing contraband into a county facility, records show.

[Lady Cop]

cocaine in the butt epidemic.

North Charleston, South Carolina
A man who persuaded his brother to eat an ounce of cocaine after they were arrested is to be charged with causing his death.

Wayne Joshua Mitchell, 20, collapsed and died an hour after ingesting the drug as he sat in the back of a police car.

His 23-year-old brother, who was captured on a police video cameras urging his brother to eat the drug, has been charged with his death.



Deangelo Rashard Mitchell, right, tells younger brother Wayne Joshua Mitchell that if he gets arrested again, he'll go to prison for the rest of his life.



dead guy ^





Deangelo Mitchell, right, fishes the cocaine out of his ass and drops it on the seat for his brother to eat

[JsMom]

Cock-eyed mother fucker! Shit, I would of told my brother to kiss my damn ass! I guess that is what stupid people do. (listen to the con) why not? GEEZUS!

[Lady Cop]

well the Pittsburgh Police "liked" this facebook page.





AP
An 18-year-old Pittsburgh man is accused of burglarizing a market with three teens, then posted pictures on his Facebook page showing the suspects mugging with some of the loot.

Isaiah Cutler who has been jailed since Friday in the Dec. 12 burglary. Online court records don't list an attorney for him.

Police say Cutler, a 17-year-old and two 14-year-olds stole more than $8,000 worth of cash, cigarettes, candy and checks from the business. About an hour later, police say, Cutler posted pictures of the teens posing with the loot on his page on the social networking site.

[gatorfankim]

well the Pittsburgh Police "liked" this facebook page.





AP
An 18-year-old Pittsburgh man is accused of burglarizing a market with three teens, then posted pictures on his Facebook page showing the suspects mugging with some of the loot.

Isaiah Cutler who has been jailed since Friday in the Dec. 12 burglary. Online court records don't list an attorney for him.

Police say Cutler, a 17-year-old and two 14-year-olds stole more than $8,000 worth of cash, cigarettes, candy and checks from the business. About an hour later, police say, Cutler posted pictures of the teens posing with the loot on his page on the social networking site.

You just can't fix stupid!!!!

[Lady Cop]

i think he should have called the Better Business Bureau






DECEMBER 27--A Pennsylvania man is facing a criminal rap after he called 911 to report that a pair of prostitutes had left his home without fully “servicing” him, cops report.

Police allege that Jerry Streng, 63, paid the women $400 and brought the hookers back to his Berlin home. As Streng told a cop, he hired the pair “for the purpose of ‘Smoking Smoke’ and engaging in sexual intercourse”.

After Streng called police to report a robbery, an officer was dispatched last week to his home, where he explained that the “agreement was that he was supposed to be in the middle of both women while the three of them engaged in sexual activity with each other.”

Instead, Streng contended, the prostitutes got undressed, “started smoking his 'Smoke,'” and “did not invite him in the bed.” He responded by disrobing and getting in his bed. “But the two women put him on the end, and not in the middle like they agreed to.”

Making matters worse, the women--Jacqueline Eubanks, 50, and Tonia Good, 34--“engaged in sexual activity with each other” while he was sidelined.

Relegated to the end--and not in the desired man in the middle slot--Streng was left to grope the breast of the female closest to him. But after that fleeting fondle, “the two females took his money and left without fully ‘servicing’ him.”

Streng, Eubanks, and Good were each busted on prostitution charges. Streng and Eubanks are pictured in the above mug shots.

[Lady Cop]

WTSP
WINTER HAVEN, Fla. -- Winter Haven police have arrested a 31-year-old man on drug charges after he threw away a bag containing more than 20 grams of marijuana at a courthouse.

Police say Demetrius Nickerson was at the courthouse around 8:45 a.m. Wednesday and attempted to pass through security. After setting off the metal detector, Nickerson was wanded by security personnel, who discovered a hard, unknown object.

Nickerson quickly told security that he would be right back and headed out the front door. Police say he returned a short time later and proceeded through security.

During this time, security became suspicious and called police, who discovered that Nickerson had thrown away a bright yellow bag containing marijuana separated into bags.

Twenty minutes later, Nickerson left the courthouse and retrieved the bag from the garbage can. Officers were waiting for him and he was arrested and charged with Possession of Drugs within 1,000 Feet of a School, Possession of Marijuana, and Possession of Drug Paraphernalia.

[Lady Cop]

another professional asshole.



ouch ouch ouch!!

Daily News Jax NC
According to the Onslow County Sheriff's Office, Ward will be taken to Onslow Memorial Hospital for possible injuries that may have occurred to Ward's rectum where it is believed he may have concealed the .38, six-inch barrel revolver.

Authorities say that while the gun was not loaded, it was test fired by the OCSO CSI to determine its functionality and it was in operational condition.

A fugitive wanted on a murder charge in Atlanta and arrested here earlier this week is accused of hiding a handgun in his rectum while in the Onslow County Jail.

Michael Leon Ward, 22, of Sugar Lake Drive in Canton, Ga., was charged late Thursday night by the Onslow County Sheriff's Office with fugitive warrants from the State of Georgia for murder and armed robbery.

Ward was also charged by the OCSO with resisting a public officer, possession of drug paraphernalia and simple possession of a Schedule VI control substance.

The N.C. State Highway Patrol charged him with driving while impaired, speeding, unlawfully passing an emergency vehicle, reckless driving to endanger the public, resisting a public officer, providing fictitious information and no operators license.

State Trooper Scott Merritt on Monday morning stopped Ward who passed him at 90 mph on U.S. 17 in a 2010 Dodge Avenger registered to Anthony Keith West. Ward, and a woman with him, Vanessa Laranda Ragland, 18, with ties to Atlanta and Jacksonville, are accused of rolling up the windows and locking the doors.

Ragland was charged with assault on a government official. She was later charged with resisting public officer and providing fictitious information. She is being held in the Onslow County Jail under a $2,500 bond.

Ward allegedly resisted arrest, was subdued with a stun gun and taken to Onslow Memorial Hospital where he was given “a shot to calm down,” according court records.

Ward was booked into the Onslow County Jail where he was charged with lying about his identity.
While behind bars Ward called out to jailers claiming someone was trying to kill him and that a gun was in his cell. Jailers searched his cell and found a .38-caliber pistol in the toilet. Ward claimed he found the gun in his bunk and tossed it into the toilet, according to an affidavit by Sheriff's Sgt. Rocky Maestas.

The gun lacked bullets and no bullets were found in Ward's cell. Maestas served a search warrant on the vehicle Ward was driving when he was arrested. It was not immediately clear whether Maestas found ammunition, but after the search he charged Ward with possession of marijuana and digital scales, according to arrest warrants.

Ward is being held with no bond while awaiting extradition.