The Felony-Stupid Criminal File

[SIXFOOTERsez]

Speechless....

Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman’s Vagina During Shoplifting Incident

http://www.goldismoney2.com/showthread.p...g-Incident




Greenville, NC – An incident coming out of Greenville, North Carolina is just one example of what some people will do around the holidays when they are short on cash. A 34-year-old mother of 3 is now under arrest after a shoplifting incident turned tragic. Witnesses say Shatuanee Greene entered the North Carolina Walmart on Sunday with her three children ages 5, 7, and 8 when she grabbed a can of pre-made Christmas cookie dough. CCTV footage shows the young mother take the can to the toy aisle as her children crowded around her. Greene then lifted up her skirt and made the can of cookie dough “disappear.”

When Greene was approached by Walmart security, she told her children to go find their Aunt in the front of the store. “I told her to hand over the cookie dough,” said Timothy Reiner, a security guard at Walmart. “That’s when she turned around to run and I grabbed her by the arm. She put up a good fight, and that’s when I tackled her to the ground. Then I heard a loud pop and the lady started screaming. Gooey cookie dough was running down her leg. All hot and runny… it was so damn gross.”

According to eyewitnesses, the EMT that treated Greene on the scene said the Pillsbury cookie dough can exploded in Greene’s vagina during the fall causing her extreme pain. They removed the contents at the scene. The woman was treated then released into the custody of Greenville police. While stabilizing green they also found candy sprinkles and a number 6 birthday candle wedged into the woman’s vaginal cavity. Greene did not suffer any serious injuries and is being held at the county jail on a $2000 bond. Her children were placed with family members.

[BigMark]

.

[Duchess]

Eat me, I'm a cookie.

[HairOfTheDog]

Shatuanee Greene should get a job.

She doesn't have the criminal savvy to make a living as a shoplifter. Every woman knows you don't stash cookie dough in your vagina while shoplifting if you have a yeast infection.

Her poor kids. Their mom will probably be in jail for Christmas, the five year old will have to celebrate his 6^th birthday in the jail's visiting section, and they won't have any cookies to set out for Santa.

(Now8News reeled a lot of people in with their fake news a couple of months back too; the site reported that Casey Anthony had been bludgeoned to death at an Ohio rest stop.)

[Blindgreed1]

If she could have popped out a giant cookie, with sprinkles and the lit candle it would be worth a standing ovation.

[BigMark]

[HairOfTheDog]

I think the mask is pretty good, but it didn't fool the police when they raided his house.

That's when the Shizz hit the fan. Officers found two loaded weapons hidden in the felon's laundry basket, along with $30,000 in cash.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fugi...9c3a181ca8?

[sally]

That is a really good mask, but I'd maybe consider changing my line of work if it involved having a professional mask designer make me up every morning. Or maybe not. Heroin brings in a pretty penny.

[HairOfTheDog]

Schizz is a lazy criminal; he had a pull-on mask. No fuss, no muss.



Looks like it might have cost him a few bucks. It really does transform him into an old man in seconds.

[HairOfTheDog]

I just found a site that sells the masks. They're $800. If I was gonna pull a heist or go on the lam, I'd definitely consider the investment.

This one is my favorite. It's called "The Inbred". http://spfxmasks.com/store/index.php?route=common/home



The inbred looks like Keith Richards on a bad hair day.

[Midwest Spy]

LOL!

That does look like Richards.

Maybe on the day that he fell out of a coconut tree? Probably still a little sore.

[HairOfTheDog]

KANSAS CITY, Kan. — A 70-year-old man accused of robbing a bank in Kansas told investigators he would rather be imprisoned than live with his wife.

Court documents say Lawrence John Ripple gave a note to a bank teller in Kansas City on Friday, demanding cash and warning he had a gun. Ripple took the money and went to sit in the lobby where he told a guard he was the “guy he was looking for.”

Officers arrived quickly. An FBI agent wrote in the affidavit that Ripple had earlier been arguing with his wife. He told investigators he wrote the note in front of his wife, telling her he would “rather be in jail than at home.”

Ripple was charged with bank robbery Tuesday.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cops-bank-ro...with-wife/

[Duchess]

Poor bastard. He had options.

[HairOfTheDog]

Maybe the poor bastard had reached his boiling point and had to act immediately. It's probably better to be in prison for robbing a bank than strangling your wife; lesser of two evils and all.

[HairOfTheDog]

Aside from being a sick child rapist, this guy is now a charitable convicted felon and a complete dumbass.



Gary Sovie, 49, of Columbus, Ohio was doing a little Spring cleaning back in May and dropped some old bags off at the Salvation Army.

Inside one of the bags, a worker at the thrift store found 32 photos of Sovie sexually abusing a female toddler. The worker called police who were able to track down Sovie because there were also old check stubs in the donated bag.

Sovie immediately confessed and admitted that he was a sick man. He took a plea deal and is now serving 17 years, was fined $35,000, and will be a registered sex offender for life.

Fortunately, the toddler (now a teen) was too young to remember anything, but her parents were understandably blown away when they were contacted. They were reportedly completely in the dark about what had been done to their child.

I don't how the family was associated with Sovie, but the girl's father told the press that he'd like to kill him.

Story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...-Army.html

[HairOfTheDog]

Doubly Dumb



Richard Haskell was busted by Ramsey, New Jersey, PD on Saturday at 7.42am after cops received a call saying there was an unresponsive person sleeping in his parked car at Saruci's pond with a bottle of alcohol between his legs.

71-year-old Haskell was given a field sobriety test, failed and was charged with a DWI and having an open container in the passenger compartment of a motor vehicle.

Haskell's blood alcohol level was found to be .21 percent, nearly 3x the legal limit. He was cited and taken home, where he should have slept it off and stayed put.

But, that's not what he did, of course. A little after 12 noon the same day, Haskell drove his own ass down to the police station to see if he could retrieve the car he was busted in. Fail. He was arrested again when police tested him and his blood alcohol was .14, nearly 2x the legal limit.

This old booze hound needs help to get sober, or he needs to have his vehicles taken away before he kills somebody on the road.

Story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...e-day.html

[HairOfTheDog]

Stupid Unmasked 

Pennsylvania police said Wednesday that a man threatened to bomb and shoot a school to create a diversion from a possible bank robbery. 



According to police, ^ 35-year-old Luke Dell of Beaverton, Ohio walked into a Bob Evans Restaurant in North Huntingdon wearing a mask (pictured right) that made him look much older.

He placed a handwritten note on the counter near an employee. The note allegedly said there was an active shooter and multiple bomb threats at two nearby high schools. 

Dell left the restaurant and employees immediately called the police to give them a description of the man, as well as his car and license plate number, police said. 

(continued)

[HairOfTheDog]

"The mask was a very high-quality mask, made him look like he was in his late 60's, early 70's when in fact he was a 35-year-old male," said North Huntingdon Police Chief Robert Rizzo told CBS Pittsburgh. 

Anyway, the license plate and car description from witnesses enabled police to track Dell down quickly.

The masked wanna-be bandit was arrested on the side of the road as local schools were examined and put on partial lockdowns.  No bombs were found.  

Now dumb Dell faces up to 29 years and $50,000 in fines for making terrorist threats.

Refs:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/bank-robber...k-robbery/
https://nypost.com/2019/10/24/man-in-dis...eist-cops/

[Clang McFly]

Karma. By the time he gets out of prison his age will match his mask.