Tales from the Frontline: Online Dating

[cannongal]

JFC,  piggles is long winded.  Tryna trim this post on a tablet was a nightmare. 

Anywho,  Clang,  you should carry WD-40 and Ductape at all times.    If women don't find you handsome,  they can at least find you handy!

[cannongal]

Fuck. Apparently I can't trim posts

[Clang McFly]

Love hurts tiki, i seem to invoke memories of your Kent lad.  I want you to remember, that those memories would be matched and exceeded, by myself.

In the present.

Picture this, no you picture me dressed as a cowboy, thrown from his horse and dazed, seventeen, like an angel.  You dismount, and ask if im ok, i look up into your eyes, not looking away, and grab your thigh, help me i say, you kneel,  and i put my head on your chest.    Tiki, i say, ive always liked you.....

Fill in the blanks tiki.... shame though....it wont happen.  This is my attempt at  torture, not bad eh?  There are no inverted commas, i cant be bothered.

Clang, cook it anyway you want, but i want a report weekly.  When the oppurtunity for  showing someone you like them, and you show it, and want to spend time with them,  if you dont act on that moment im going to be upset.

Upset is the wrong word, you will be getting a good telling off.

Passivity is death.

Don't know if they'll be doing a social outing weekly. I don't know if I could afford that anyway. So I guess you'll be telling me off.

[Clang McFly]

JFC,  piggles is long winded.  Tryna trim this post on a tablet was a nightmare. 

Anywho,  Clang,  you should carry WD-40 and Ductape at all times.    If women don't find you handsome,  they can at least find you handy!

Is bad my mind went to creepy,cringy, rapey, kinky places?

[cannongal]

JFC,  piggles is long winded.  Tryna trim this post on a tablet was a nightmare. 

Anywho,  Clang,  you should carry WD-40 and Ductape at all times.    If women don't find you handsome,  they can at least find you handy!

Is bad my mind went to creepy,cringy, rapey, kinky places?

Apparently,  you've never heard of Red Green.....

[BlueTiki]

. . . picture me dressed as a cowboy . . .

But precious piggy, I DO picture you as a cowboy! 

Are you being a silly numpty with me or are you truly a gormless twit?

Jack Twist, darling . . . remember?  I told you I see you as cowboy Jack Twist!

And, sweetie . . . I do suggest a more artful chat-up line than “I’ve always liked you”, if you anticipate to slip Ennis . . . that "thingy" you call your penis.

Pip, pip, dearest piggy!  Now . . . back into the “emotional room” to throw a right proper wobbly regarding your obvious inept flirtatious openings and your confused desires.  

Again . . . all for the sake of your continued quest of self-improvement, luv!   

[Duchess]

Luv. Darling. Sweetie.   

[BlueTiki]

Luv. Darling. Sweetie.   

Not to be insolent, but you missed precious and dearest, too.

However, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that the words adore, cherish, revere, idolize, idealize, fancy, deify, venerate and worship . . . are and will never be used.

Perhaps . . . just perhaps . . . these words are reserved for an immensely revered "someone" . . . to be spoken silently . . . only as thoughts in my mind.
 
Stating such tender and loving accolades publicly (to a most deserved and royal recipient, whose station and stature is far, far, above mine), crosses all forum, class and etiquette boundaries.

And besides . . . you’d just see me as another ass-kisser . . . albeit, with full and soft lips.

But an ass-kisser, just the same.

[Duchess]

I didn't miss it, it was too much to bear.  

[Piglet]

God Tiki...... I have fallen. I have plotted a flight path from Heathrow to New York, to Sky Harbour, arriving on March 11^th, which is a saturday, about 4pm. Will you be there to meet me?, i hope so. Shall i book it? Maybe your partner or partners should go on holiday, but if they dont mind an englishman.......

Will you teach me? I have just seen David Hasselhoff on tv, something deep, and very big burst out, an appetite that needs feeding, and feeding now. Will you feed me?

[BlueTiki]

God Tiki......  I have fallen.  I have plotted a flight path from Heathrow to New York, to Sky Harbour, arriving on March  11^th, which is a saturday, about 4pm.  Will you be there to meet me?, i hope so.    Shall i book it?      Maybe your partner or partners should go on holiday, but if they dont mind an englishman.......

Will you teach me?  I have just seen David Hasselhoff on tv, something deep, and very big burst out, an appetite that needs feeding, and feeding now.  Will you feed me?

Sorry, darling.  I'll be with real cowboys in Vegas, from the 8^th-13^th.

Do be a dear and give hugs and kisses to John Fetterman . . . your last sentence was obviously written by him. 

Tally-Ho and Happy Trails!

[BigMark]

i was in vegas during that time, got drunk and bummed lucky strikes from this grizzled cowboy. did pachinko down the hallway then couldn't sleep because off all the nicotine. i won that night.

[Piglet]

Damn, i was going to exercise my sincerity faker muscle. Is John Fetterman a wrestler?

[BlueTiki]

Damn, i was going to exercise my sincerity faker muscle.  Is John Fetterman a wrestler?

Look him up, darling.  I have no time to educate you on contemporary literacy or to assist you with your atrophied attempts at repartee.

Toodles!

[BigMark]

He's a fucking conehead.

[Piglet]

Has enough time passed Clingo? Hows it going? There was an article in a paper about how women appreciate men getting to the point and asking for sex.

Have you sidled up to some tart and said something like " you could be pregnant in the next 10 minutes, no, make that 90 seconds.".

Or, for fuck sake your fit, lie down and ill take your knickers off with my teeth.

Or, i want you heels over my shoulders.

Get with it mate, fucking shag summat.

[Clang McFly]

Has enough time passed Clingo?  Hows it going?  There was an article in a paper about how women appreciate men getting to the point and asking for sex.

Have you sidled up to some tart and said something like " you could be pregnant in the next 10 minutes, no, make that 90 seconds.".

Or, for fuck sake your fit, lie down  and ill take your knickers off with my teeth.

Or, i want you heels over my shoulders.

Get with it mate, fucking shag summat.

Chill them horny hormones, dude. It was one buffet and axe throwing and it felt kind of rushed. Didn't have much time to socialize at all. I do better one on one socializing than in a group anyway. This weekend is Kegs and Eggs and  bowling. I shall try to chat up the women more, one on one.

[BigMark]

Get rid of that pedo beard first.

[Clang McFly]

Get rid of that pedo beard first.

My real life friends tell me women love beards, so no.

[MirahM]

Has enough time passed Clingo?  Hows it going?  There was an article in a paper about how women appreciate men getting to the point and asking for sex.

Have you sidled up to some tart and said something like " you could be pregnant in the next 10 minutes, no, make that 90 seconds.".

Or, for fuck sake your fit, lie down  and ill take your knickers off with my teeth.

Or, i want you heels over my shoulders.

Get with it mate, fucking shag summat.

So....howz that workin 4 ya dude?
Ever try these lines on anyone?
Theze lines that u learned from a newspaper article?